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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

#1987412
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45195) - you deserved it (18627)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

#1986164
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42402) - you deserved it (7401)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

#1984410
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38619) - you deserved it (2753)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9141) - you deserved it (39741)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45499) - you deserved it (2930)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

#1976392
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41882) - you deserved it (8357)

On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

#1975223
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64412) - you deserved it (7422)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

#1972272
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53934) - you deserved it (21834)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

#1971968
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

#1971558
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50993) - you deserved it (10428)

On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

#1969989
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35911) - you deserved it (15312)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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