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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

#7972550
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35906) - you deserved it (3428)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm - love - by notababymama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

#7968028
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28447) - you deserved it (8755)

On 02/07/2010 at 9:21am - misc - by Mackdaddy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

#7962696
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30102) - you deserved it (2681)

On 02/07/2010 at 2:21am - misc - by HitbyIce (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

#7962571
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43445) - you deserved it (3948)

On 02/07/2010 at 2:16am - love - by mike (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

#7960442
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8582) - you deserved it (30075)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:12am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27505) - you deserved it (5878)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

#7957934
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35146) - you deserved it (2854)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by nekoneko (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

#7957372
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20971) - you deserved it (4924)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

#7948337
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32017) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/06/2010 at 8:19pm - work - by Enrique (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

#7946141
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10749) - you deserved it (21775)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Sully (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

#7945898
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27416) - you deserved it (3349)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:09pm - love - by browniepoints (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

#7939467
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (5256)

On 02/06/2010 at 3:01pm - misc - by dinosaurboy (man) - United States (Georgia)



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