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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at work an mah mother texted me !! The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone !! You r even smiling." FML

#5337998
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8806) - you deserved it (40571)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by asdfas (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got looool my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it 4 his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

#5336281
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18193) - you deserved it (55602)

On 09/18/2009 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today , I was in mah psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew , I looked up to looool see everyone with there notebooks on there desks. It was an open-note test. FML

#5335783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12240) - you deserved it (54183)

On 09/18/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ad a blind date wit a girl someone in my office set me up wit. Before te waitress returnd wit our drinks, tis girl askd me to go to er parent's ouse and pretend to be te fater of er yet unborn cild because te real fater is a drug addict and in jail fir stealing er dad's car. FML

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up mah winning record!! I eventually got seatd against a guy who beat me at every hand!! I heard laughing behind me after I lost all mah winnings!! The guy behind me had just made an account, lookd over mah shoulder, and won all mah money!! FML

#5333449
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (49327)

On 09/18/2009 at 3:15pm - money - by shushingmoon (man) - United States (Louisiana)

yesterday I heard dad screaming in the hallway!! Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going!! I slipped and slid toward dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of two dogs!! He was screaming because he stepped in it!! FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37126) - you deserved it (3883)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walkd out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who lockd thier bike next to mine decidd as an addd security they would lock thier bike to the rack, an to my bike . FML

#5329801
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36309) - you deserved it (1964)

On 09/18/2009 at 9:33am - misc - by cl512 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop!! When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, ( while we're here, I might as well get a trim too!! ) My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, ( Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair! ) FML

#5327120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (6020)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

yesterday I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

#5325654
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18171) - you deserved it (45276)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - animals - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got pulled over 4 going a few miles per our over te speed limit. Te cop asked 4 ma license and registration. I appened to look down at ma wallet wile e was processing everyting and saw ma license in ma wallet. I gave te cop ma fake I.D. FML

#5325524
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7426) - you deserved it (60436)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a professor approachd me in the hall to ask if, since I'm a math major, I could tutor one of her communications majors in a requird Calculus course. Apparently the volunteer tutor the school provides "is a complete dumbass." I'm the school's volunteer tutor. FML

#5322964
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you deserved it (4082)

On 09/17/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by bastawhiz (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally told mah fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someoneho isn't "pure". FML

#5321781
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88457) - you deserved it (4405)

On 09/17/2009 at 9:36pm - intimacy - by Jackie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today... I took mah car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later... without mah car. Why? The mechanic crashed ithile out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

#5319386
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35201) - you deserved it (1703)

On 09/17/2009 at 8:02pm - misc - by mmv - United States (Colorado)



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