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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

#3095885
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39168) - you deserved it (5470)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Lucky (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

#3093736
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52582) - you deserved it (14788)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

#3091198
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76292) - you deserved it (4623)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by picaru (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

#3088891
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34927) - you deserved it (15478)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:03pm - kids - by vballqt201 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

#3083696
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11710) - you deserved it (55625)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by TBaggins00 (man) - United States (Illilois)

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug addicted friends into my home while I was away where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

#3083208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44944) - you deserved it (4846)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:09am - money - by myheadhurts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

#3082688
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37715) - you deserved it (2415)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

#3080092
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14361) - you deserved it (41205)

On 06/21/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Crispy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

#3078686
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48232) - you deserved it (3542)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Lee (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

#3078532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38500) - you deserved it (10716)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59250) - you deserved it (25633)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56613) - you deserved it (15694)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)



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