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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

#3201910
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33248) - you deserved it (11162)

On 06/25/2009 at 10:13am - work - by KN (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32207) - you deserved it (7362)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

#3199012
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15541) - you deserved it (50301)

On 06/25/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by Noj12345 (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

#3198291
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10922) - you deserved it (54284)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:20am - misc - by YahItsMe94 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

#3196366
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38710) - you deserved it (5641)

On 06/25/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13494) - you deserved it (65162)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82842) - you deserved it (14156)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

#3190123
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56180) - you deserved it (3001)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:46pm - love - by dumpedchick (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

#3189875
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39271) - you deserved it (2321)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by unappreciated (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

#3186990
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44942) - you deserved it (4821)

On 06/24/2009 at 9:15pm - love - by fml7458364838 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

#3180871
443 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77780) - you deserved it (11820)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)



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