FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

by peanuts / 07/03/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

by katara / 07/02/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

by yrfavweapon / 07/02/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, while drinking at a bar with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend who I've been seeing on the side walked straight up to her, introducing herself as "the ex-girlfriend that he's been sleeping with for the past 3 months." FML

by Tim / 07/02/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

by lmao4eva93 / 07/02/2010 at 12:21am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML

by slut / 07/01/2010 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

by cooldude / 07/01/2010 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

by JH / 06/30/2010 at 9:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

by Katie / 06/30/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

by Crash / 06/30/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

by rockefoe / 06/30/2010 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

by anonymous / 06/30/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

by Tp / 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous