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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21674) - you deserved it (51170)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

#4494514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41175) - you deserved it (2792)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:42am - work - by NoKeyNoCar - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

#4492713
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44153) - you deserved it (5995)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:23am - love - by MexyBoy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

#4491139
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34576) - you deserved it (4181)

On 08/13/2009 at 12:32am - kids - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

#4486771
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37078) - you deserved it (5595)

On 08/12/2009 at 10:01pm - misc - by OMGWTF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

#4486417
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (3847)

On 08/12/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by Jobless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

#4484450
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10078) - you deserved it (37845)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:34pm - work - by librarygirl (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

#4483949
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38868) - you deserved it (3792)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by ForeverEmbarrassed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53310) - you deserved it (19927)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

#4482607
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50508) - you deserved it (3511)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:14pm - work - by d.stack (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

#4481809
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37527) - you deserved it (2796)

On 08/12/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by NoticeTheLackOfNumbers (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

#4479707
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59212) - you deserved it (2995)

On 08/12/2009 at 5:01pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

#4477609
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44369) - you deserved it (6275)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Lasko (woman) - United States (Texas)



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