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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

#8271296
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26725) - you deserved it (4067)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:09pm - love - by Vgameboi (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

#8268045
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (3939)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by adam - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

#8266626
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (2387)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

#8265301
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (5327)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by klsdhjla (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

#8263178
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35691) - you deserved it (7327)

On 02/14/2010 at 7:43pm - love - by Shirley (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24919) - you deserved it (3403)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

#8248979
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27207) - you deserved it (6564)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by freakingow (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (4489)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

#8246402
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (3617)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by DallasGal (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

#8242645
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (6534)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

#8242504
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31880) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:14am - love - by zitgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

#8241571
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (3587)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:24am - animals - by lex31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML

#8238401
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (3543)

On 02/14/2010 at 3:48am - love - by Samson (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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