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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

#3429206
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48217) - you deserved it (3314)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by farrahfarrest_ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

#3427303
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36257) - you deserved it (8346)

On 07/02/2009 at 2:10pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

#3423786
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35105) - you deserved it (12587)

On 07/02/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by nobleach - United States (Georgia)

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

#3423301
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55032) - you deserved it (4414)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:31am - love - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

#3421405
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60974) - you deserved it (4314)

On 07/02/2009 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Ghostie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML

#3419869
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47302) - you deserved it (10701)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

#3418538
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74618) - you deserved it (4207)

On 07/02/2009 at 2:18am - love - by rockstarohyeah (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

#3416455
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11592) - you deserved it (43254)

On 07/02/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Kronic (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

#3415575
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12116) - you deserved it (44456)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:42am - love - by dork - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML

#3414580
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41092) - you deserved it (7803)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

#3413301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39209) - you deserved it (8280)

On 07/01/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by sydsophnova (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

#3407899
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51411) - you deserved it (2263)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

#3403324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18596) - you deserved it (51681)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by kelscait (woman) - United States



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