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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

#3785387
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71400) - you deserved it (11964)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by broooooock (man) - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

#3784088
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52388) - you deserved it (3936)

On 07/15/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19419) - you deserved it (50115)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45209) - you deserved it (6526)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

#3781020
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45554) - you deserved it (5207)

On 07/15/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by ughhh123456789 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

#3777907
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8387) - you deserved it (52699)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

#3777145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (48791)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by far23 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

#3776929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51888) - you deserved it (4832)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by mook (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

#3774043
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17253) - you deserved it (38664)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

#3772317
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44374) - you deserved it (3073)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm - money - by nsJ (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

#3772243
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28916) - you deserved it (14881)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

#3768794
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51615) - you deserved it (2730)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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