FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

by hjufidskndf / 08/30/2010 at 1:35am / United States / Love

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

by soldierboy / 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

by love_letter / 08/29/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

by xharuki / 08/29/2010 at 4:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

by CreepedOut / 08/29/2010 at 3:45pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

by apparentlyugly / 08/29/2010 at 1:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

by ForgottenAgain / 08/29/2010 at 12:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

by bkay26 / 08/29/2010 at 11:37am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

by ILoveFML / 08/29/2010 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

by katta2009 / 08/29/2010 at 7:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

by yggiz / 08/29/2010 at 1:02am / United States (Florida) / Health