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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way its supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells "turn the gas off". FML

#3995707
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14496) - you deserved it (46579)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by haytia22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

#3994466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39359) - you deserved it (7771)

On 07/24/2009 at 12:18am - love - by masterofblues (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57746) - you deserved it (26172)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

#3988589
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48729) - you deserved it (2673)

On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

#3986456
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54720) - you deserved it (3164)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Inga44 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

#3983887
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38065) - you deserved it (8303)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by Eskyew (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

#3982111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46063) - you deserved it (4926)

On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

#3981210
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16076) - you deserved it (39921)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:43pm - animals - by emmey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

#3980523
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48346) - you deserved it (5747)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:16pm - love - by tubedout (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

#3973992
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36023) - you deserved it (5122)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:45am - health - by SBT1030 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

#3971516
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51025) - you deserved it (3916)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

#3971502
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50571) - you deserved it (6056)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Tallow101 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

#3971332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you deserved it (22826)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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