FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

by Criminal / 07/13/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Transportation

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

by dammitrain / 07/13/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

by E or / 07/13/2010 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

by Sally / 07/13/2010 at 5:22am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2010 at 4:31am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

by Fefe / 07/12/2010 at 10:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

by maggotsinmycarpet / 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm / United States / Animals

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

by jazthefish / 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

by fat / 07/12/2010 at 3:52am / United States / Health

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

by LexiBoBexi / 07/12/2010 at 1:38am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

by Sarah220 / 07/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Virginia) / Health