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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

#8242645
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38306) - you deserved it (6533)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

#8242504
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:14am - love - by zitgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

#8241571
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (3587)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:24am - animals - by lex31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML

#8238401
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30171) - you deserved it (3531)

On 02/14/2010 at 3:48am - love - by Samson (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

#8232410
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41788) - you deserved it (2321)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by disneyworld (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

#8230374
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27077) - you deserved it (2501)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:07am - work - by mallcop - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

#8230215
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23689) - you deserved it (3211)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:03am - love - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

#8220919
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8044) - you deserved it (32989)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

#8220322
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21393) - you deserved it (5307)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by Decker (man) - United States (California)

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

#8210549
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (5781)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm - kids - by owwie - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

#8205251
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21496) - you deserved it (7845)

On 02/13/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by ositsranielle - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42136) - you deserved it (3700)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with "HEY SLUT" or "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

#8200011
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10166) - you deserved it (25573)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:53am - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (New York)



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