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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24007) - you deserved it (4566)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

#6422671
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38409) - you deserved it (3601)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm - love - by TheGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31594) - you deserved it (2774)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

#6420753
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28517) - you deserved it (5261)

On 11/23/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by PaperInfection (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

#6420618
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39312) - you deserved it (2762)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

#6418903
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8558) - you deserved it (35632)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

#6417968
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28932) - you deserved it (2396)

On 11/23/2009 at 2:31am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

#6417611
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35914) - you deserved it (6157)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by frenchgirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

#6416046
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35634) - you deserved it (2537)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:09am - love - by apparentlyhesbusy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

#6415998
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (4361)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by denise (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

#6415288
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31996) - you deserved it (3410)

On 11/22/2009 at 11:30pm - love - by petlover (woman) - United States (Texas)



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