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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

#4305194
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7906) - you deserved it (78297)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

#4304989
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52690) - you deserved it (8526)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by some_girl_19 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

#4299529
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15475) - you deserved it (41146)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20028) - you deserved it (41258)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

#4299271
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12816) - you deserved it (52967)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

#4299160
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35807) - you deserved it (4612)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by suspiciouspeople (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

#4299043
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45157) - you deserved it (7739)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

#4297641
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41050) - you deserved it (11763)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

#4297624
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47137) - you deserved it (2146)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - money - by familydisaster (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

#4294865
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57596) - you deserved it (2881)

On 08/04/2009 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on Ebay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

#4293137
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39306) - you deserved it (10360)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:37pm - money - by DiskJockey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

#4293059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47717) - you deserved it (3182)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by andi0804 (woman) - United States (New York)



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