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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

#8443272
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25306) - you deserved it (3557)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:24pm - love - by sexxibxmami - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

#8437472
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (5224)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

#8435501
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35816) - you deserved it (3434)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:24am - animals - by OMGraven (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29150) - you deserved it (3461)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

#8432968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29854) - you deserved it (4879)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by grrrrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

#8430991
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19931) - you deserved it (7060)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24926) - you deserved it (19870)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

#8430182
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6630) - you deserved it (28862)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Skankeriffic (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21404) - you deserved it (4092)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

#8420953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8765) - you deserved it (23546)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:20pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6277) - you deserved it (68237)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30390) - you deserved it (2679)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

#8410028
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34170) - you deserved it (2897)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by fannylover (woman) - United States (New York)



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