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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

#5953871
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10198) - you deserved it (36642)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:01am - work - by E.S. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

#5953662
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26584) - you deserved it (6353)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by efmylife (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

#5953331
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (8678)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Leash (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

#5949212
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (6069)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by mandy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

#5948720
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9170) - you deserved it (37702)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10180) - you deserved it (36675)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML

Today, I told my dad that for Halloween I'm going to be an '80s workout Barbie. He just looks at me and says, "Yeah as the 'before' picture". FML

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

#5943404
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34512) - you deserved it (5133)

On 10/22/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by mvgirl - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34356) - you deserved it (2900)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

#5940932
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33855) - you deserved it (2909)

On 10/22/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by tessykins - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

#5940105
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40010) - you deserved it (3034)

On 10/22/2009 at 1:53am - love - by uneek_3225 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

#5938925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10331) - you deserved it (33214)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:19am - animals - by munckncruncj15 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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