FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

by TheSickness / 05/28/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

by Nchristine / 05/27/2010 at 4:59pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

by Sarahfizzeller / 05/26/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

by noraidk / 05/26/2010 at 2:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 11:54am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

by hatestomove / 05/26/2010 at 10:21am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 8:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

by pandasbear / 05/26/2010 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

by kaylajere / 05/26/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

by Jimbo / 05/25/2010 at 5:29am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

by Ouchhh / 05/25/2010 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love