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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

#8472964
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (2432)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:59am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22701) - you deserved it (5699)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

#8471153
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8090) - you deserved it (40775)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:36am - animals - by rimjob - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

#8469374
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32716) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/20/2010 at 3:20am - misc - by deadandwasted (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

#8466183
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9473) - you deserved it (40726)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:09am - health - by fatflabbyfail - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

#8465985
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:04am - intimacy - by VahnSeiro (man) - United States (Texas)

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

#8464823
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32123) - you deserved it (2634)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:30am - love - by izhamilton (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

#8458857
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25103) - you deserved it (2346)

On 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm - work - by monochromatic - United States (New York)

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

#8455836
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31278) - you deserved it (2699)

On 02/19/2010 at 8:54pm - kids - by beezybees (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

#8452983
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20595) - you deserved it (5336)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by ouch - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

#8448273
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (3677)

On 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm - health - by lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

#8446049
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33606) - you deserved it (4994)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

#8445794
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27853) - you deserved it (2610)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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