FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

by greaaaatt. / 07/25/2010 at 1:45am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

by breathexali / 07/24/2010 at 6:50am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

by wils / 07/24/2010 at 5:49am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

by luvlessbootycall / 07/24/2010 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

by tstaeger / 07/24/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

by HarvestMoon_gal / 07/24/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

by fiery / 07/23/2010 at 8:06pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

by bored2death / 07/23/2010 at 6:15pm / United States / Animals

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

by justmyluck25 / 07/23/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

by V / 07/23/2010 at 3:39am / United States / Love

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

by Me. / 07/23/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Geek