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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25223) - you deserved it (9653)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

#8480132
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7331) - you deserved it (43867)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by analinguist (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

#8479975
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22361) - you deserved it (9249)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:58pm - misc - by moobysrocks - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

#8477900
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7425) - you deserved it (35049)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by creamed (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

#8476151
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31812) - you deserved it (3743)

On 02/20/2010 at 11:22am - love - by Bilirubin (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

#8474459
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30796) - you deserved it (2497)

On 02/20/2010 at 10:05am - work - by Nik - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

#8473008
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23703) - you deserved it (3099)

On 02/20/2010 at 9:03am - health - by bcoper - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

#8472964
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41311) - you deserved it (2431)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:59am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22695) - you deserved it (5698)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

#8471153
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8090) - you deserved it (40774)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:36am - animals - by rimjob - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

#8469374
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32713) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/20/2010 at 3:20am - misc - by deadandwasted (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

#8466183
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9458) - you deserved it (40695)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:09am - health - by fatflabbyfail - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

#8465985
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30251) - you deserved it (2596)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:04am - intimacy - by VahnSeiro (man) - United States (Texas)



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