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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

#6497177
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (13271)

On 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by badDriver (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

#6494612
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30596) - you deserved it (4538)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by chacha - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

#6494207
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11797) - you deserved it (32079)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by TooTallNiCo (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

#6494130
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60085) - you deserved it (6413)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

#6493322
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35694) - you deserved it (9951)

On 11/28/2009 at 11:17am - love - by moon_paw (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

#6493156
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27710) - you deserved it (9325)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

#6493003
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5981) - you deserved it (50119)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by MegGRRRz (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

#6490055
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22265) - you deserved it (9233)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33795) - you deserved it (15846)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24749) - you deserved it (8843)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

#6488326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21329) - you deserved it (5994)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27349) - you deserved it (3633)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

#6487113
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33199) - you deserved it (2282)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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