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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

#8505761
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4913) - you deserved it (59221)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:41am - misc - by Piano999 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

#8500345
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8393) - you deserved it (36798)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:14am - health - by Braced (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with 8 guys. Just now, after taking 3 trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML

#8493651
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (8202)

On 02/20/2010 at 9:38pm - love - by gullible (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

#8492121
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11199) - you deserved it (31082)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by AwwChute (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

#8490990
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20215) - you deserved it (3881)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by lost_ina_dream (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33517) - you deserved it (4010)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25223) - you deserved it (9654)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

#8480132
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7331) - you deserved it (43866)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by analinguist (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

#8479975
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you deserved it (9249)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:58pm - misc - by moobysrocks - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

#8477900
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7423) - you deserved it (35049)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by creamed (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

#8476151
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31810) - you deserved it (3743)

On 02/20/2010 at 11:22am - love - by Bilirubin (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

#8474459
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (2497)

On 02/20/2010 at 10:05am - work - by Nik - United States (Michigan)



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