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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

#8634808
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (4468)

On 02/25/2010 at 6:46am - misc - by SayWhat (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex girlfriend that never moved out. FML

#8631765
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32210) - you deserved it (2707)

On 02/25/2010 at 1:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

#8630946
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30202) - you deserved it (4310)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by mainey92 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

#8630482
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19058) - you deserved it (27281)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Lespoon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

#8624928
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24636) - you deserved it (20007)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by pickit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

#8621697
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14026) - you deserved it (26381)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

#8621436
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26422) - you deserved it (4328)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm - work - by richgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41306) - you deserved it (2887)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

#8615441
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32526) - you deserved it (2724)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm - money - by creditwhore (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

#8611992
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2419)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:18am - misc - by Greymoya (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

#8608911
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9065) - you deserved it (64200)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:45am - kids - by janesays (woman) - United States

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

#8606978
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12448) - you deserved it (32029)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:54am - intimacy - by kiki (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML

#8606853
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33311) - you deserved it (2020)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by ks0300 - United States (Texas)



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