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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I left something in my boss' office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

#3537464
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32049) - you deserved it (18666)

On 07/06/2009 at 10:09pm - work - by superclutz (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

#3533033
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11651) - you deserved it (47744)

On 07/06/2009 at 7:28pm - work - by Cody (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

#3531560
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6135) - you deserved it (74650)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML

#3531559
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7023) - you deserved it (74935)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

#3529390
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54383) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/06/2009 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

#3528388
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40350) - you deserved it (3936)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by JMU (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

#3528361
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37286) - you deserved it (13796)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by WhitneyHouston (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

#3528123
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51669) - you deserved it (6465)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

#3524400
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49620) - you deserved it (30035)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:51am - love - by dumpedovergame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister got her car repossessed. In order to get it back, my mom took $4,000.00 out of my bank account promising she would pay it back within a few months. She lost her job. FML

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

#3522499
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51672) - you deserved it (8014)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML



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