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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

#4256639
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51804) - you deserved it (6289)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

#4255816
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44519) - you deserved it (24832)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

#4255105
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44849) - you deserved it (3587)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

#4253042
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39591) - you deserved it (35863)

On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML

#4252851
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49305) - you deserved it (3478)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to go outside and have a "treasure hunt" in the backyard. The first thing we found? The bones of her pet dog that had passed away four years ago. FML

#4252043
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36639) - you deserved it (5030)

On 08/03/2009 at 9:26am - animals - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML

#4251731
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45024) - you deserved it (2085)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by Jaybird1587 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

#4247689
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68105) - you deserved it (3968)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

#4247203
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8865) - you deserved it (40547)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

#4244213
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46513) - you deserved it (4232)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

#4241415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34277) - you deserved it (5089)

On 08/02/2009 at 10:40pm - money - by arghhh (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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