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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremly selfish person, and that I do not love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a backrub in 2 weeks, sleep too much and have a hormonal problem. Once again, I AM PREGNANT! FML

#8684700
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35152) - you deserved it (5675)

On 02/27/2010 at 8:17am - health - by ksztte (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

#8680968
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25787) - you deserved it (3016)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

#8680556
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8246) - you deserved it (37716)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:17am - misc - by Shoe (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

#8678554
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29223) - you deserved it (5313)

On 02/27/2010 at 12:02am - love - by dino317 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

#8675398
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25184) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

#8675037
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8577) - you deserved it (22217)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

#8673018
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23447) - you deserved it (15432)

On 02/26/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by bun593 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

#8664737
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34957) - you deserved it (8028)

On 02/26/2010 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by sad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

#8664112
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22585) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/26/2010 at 1:37pm - love - by canadiansun - United States (Ohio)

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

#8663559
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9386) - you deserved it (36647)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:57pm - misc - by mathhhh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

#8663414
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26148) - you deserved it (2400)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Ineedit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

#8663349
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7221) - you deserved it (27813)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:43pm - animals - by Shinobi_3 (man) - United States (Illinois)



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