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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

#6814532
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21747) - you deserved it (8865)

On 12/18/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

#6813571
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7640) - you deserved it (28800)

On 12/18/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Sardine (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

#6812305
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33271) - you deserved it (2329)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:46pm - health - by ThatAintLogical (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

#6812194
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (2445)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

#6812101
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25943) - you deserved it (4324)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

#6811696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38081) - you deserved it (3866)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by mclovin09 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

#6811262
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35037) - you deserved it (3446)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

#6809461
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22912) - you deserved it (4385)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:19am - work - by B (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

#6808651
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39650) - you deserved it (2688)

On 12/18/2009 at 9:31am - love - by cheaters_should_die (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8093) - you deserved it (21609)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

#6805892
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34050) - you deserved it (2050)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Theo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13909) - you deserved it (24572)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a cute guy asked for my phone number and I gladly gave it to him. I was feeling really good about myself for getting hit on by the star football player. That was until he called 8 times and left 5 messages. In 2 hours. FML

#6804648
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25686) - you deserved it (9236)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by WhoaThere (woman) - United States (California)



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