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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

#6391764
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (14344)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:02pm - animals - by eyesightfail (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

#6391175
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31453) - you deserved it (25232)

On 11/21/2009 at 4:44pm - love - by frootloops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I submitted an entry for a logo design contest for my employer. Apparently, it is possible to lose a contest even when you had the only entry. FML

#6390858
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28007) - you deserved it (3681)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a friend convinced me that I should throw a big party and invite everyone to come. After fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one did. FML

#6390668
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33127) - you deserved it (3225)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by tealsoda (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

#6390446
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26468) - you deserved it (8379)

On 11/21/2009 at 2:10pm - love - by Guess (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

#6388280
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32704) - you deserved it (5288)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:28am - love - by SeeBrendenBurn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

#6388093
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40118) - you deserved it (2415)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

#6387420
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40754) - you deserved it (2613)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:59am - love - by Fail (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

#6386957
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28628) - you deserved it (2315)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:03am - work - by beckbm23 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

#6386124
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9920) - you deserved it (38059)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:59pm - work - by Masonlee89 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my jeep wouldn't start so I opened the hood. I slammed my fingers in my jeep's hood. It latched shut. My hood release was inside the cab, and the jeep was in neutral and on an incline. It started to roll... with a ditch about 5 yards away. I had to skin my own fingers to get them out. FML

#6383914
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42266) - you deserved it (7637)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:28pm - misc - by FoundMyLighter (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

#6383461
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5757) - you deserved it (25591)

On 11/20/2009 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Ellen - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (2800)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)



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