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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

#8731287
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23186) - you deserved it (2727)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm - work - by Fonzie34 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

#8729495
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24924) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

#8726877
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31312) - you deserved it (3932)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:34pm - money - by rybread (man) - United States

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

#8725827
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28129) - you deserved it (1830)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8614) - you deserved it (58853)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

#8719119
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8305) - you deserved it (30485)

On 02/28/2010 at 1:57pm - misc - by apple (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

#8716792
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12100) - you deserved it (22505)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by maddy - United States (Washington)

Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML

#8716730
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (8080)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:05pm - animals - by Man vs. Spider - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

#8713429
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9426) - you deserved it (28222)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:16am - money - by komp6390 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

#8712450
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (3033)

On 02/28/2010 at 5:51am - money - by unsurprised (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

#8706318
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (27301)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:19am - misc - by atleastmybreathisfresh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

#8699451
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (6496)

On 02/27/2010 at 8:32pm - love - by dejected (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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