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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML

#8737489
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28352) - you deserved it (7023)

On 03/01/2010 at 12:13am - intimacy - by oboy - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

#8736997
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21525) - you deserved it (3397)

On 03/01/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by dangit (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

#8733568
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19432) - you deserved it (16379)

On 02/28/2010 at 10:46pm - misc - by Ben - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

#8732304
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26927) - you deserved it (4254)

On 02/28/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Hannah - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

#8731287
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23186) - you deserved it (2727)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm - work - by Fonzie34 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

#8729495
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24923) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

#8726877
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31313) - you deserved it (3932)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:34pm - money - by rybread (man) - United States

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

#8725827
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28127) - you deserved it (1830)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8614) - you deserved it (58851)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

#8719119
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8305) - you deserved it (30485)

On 02/28/2010 at 1:57pm - misc - by apple (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

#8716792
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12099) - you deserved it (22506)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by maddy - United States (Washington)

Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML

#8716730
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26893) - you deserved it (8076)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:05pm - animals - by Man vs. Spider - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

#8713429
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9425) - you deserved it (28222)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:16am - money - by komp6390 (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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