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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

#5506642
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13696) - you deserved it (37825)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

#5505995
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48658) - you deserved it (2121)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

#5504696
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (15073)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:52am - misc - by cockroach (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

#5500078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34954) - you deserved it (16124)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:32am - money - by TractorUWG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I turned down an invite to a huge private party that is rarely given to freshmen in college, because I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in a couple of days. I called her a couple of hours later. She answered with, "Hey, I'm at a party. I will call you tomorrow?" FML

#5498846
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31359) - you deserved it (18867)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:23am - love - by Dead_Eye (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

#5498731
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38291) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

#5498467
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26157) - you deserved it (9630)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by PigPen (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49362) - you deserved it (3838)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

#5492768
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34361) - you deserved it (2808)

On 09/26/2009 at 8:40pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

#5489244
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32414) - you deserved it (7238)

On 09/26/2009 at 5:23pm - work - by bzygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

#5488289
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (7181)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

#5486035
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45443) - you deserved it (4953)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)



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