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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

#6590388
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51050) - you deserved it (2228)

On 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

#6589221
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37058) - you deserved it (4038)

On 12/03/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Sub (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31153) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States

Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

#6585612
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9785) - you deserved it (30787)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by Sassers (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

#6584948
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35498) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by SatelliteUser (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

#6584536
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9148) - you deserved it (42085)

On 12/03/2009 at 2:34pm - love - by ohiochibi (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, we had my school musical. The girls have to wear long skirts. I had a thong on, and while we were dancing the guy behind me stepped on my skirt. It fell to my ankles... the whole audience saw my ass. FML

#6584375
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28100) - you deserved it (17449)

On 12/03/2009 at 2:20pm - misc - by NoName (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

#6583766
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10178) - you deserved it (37819)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

#6581083
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38317) - you deserved it (2485)

On 12/03/2009 at 6:34am - love - by fmldr (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

#6580357
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29166) - you deserved it (36532)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08am - work - by WTFFAIL (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

#6580116
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31032) - you deserved it (2247)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

#6580015
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33020) - you deserved it (2920)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

#6579645
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29558) - you deserved it (4072)

On 12/03/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by bdaygirl (woman) - United States (California)



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