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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8073) - you deserved it (21177)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9329) - you deserved it (49300)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

#6848159
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (2659)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Lapis (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

#6844162
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22698) - you deserved it (10235)

On 12/20/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by kat, ACT - United States

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

#6843918
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25809) - you deserved it (2907)

On 12/20/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by B-Rizzle (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

#6842155
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46958) - you deserved it (4238)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:14am - love - by Catholicguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

#6841945
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9797) - you deserved it (31033)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

#6841457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26471) - you deserved it (3471)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by VCR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

#6840782
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32394) - you deserved it (2053)

On 12/20/2009 at 1:32am - work - by Van (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was "Well, I started wearing V-Neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

#6840673
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9403) - you deserved it (25967)

On 12/20/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by StayedHome89 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

#6839126
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6780) - you deserved it (32942)

On 12/20/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

#6836721
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25864) - you deserved it (8280)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

#6836153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (2924)

On 12/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by chrono64 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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