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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42203) - you deserved it (3437)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52087) - you deserved it (14213)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

#4069645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51462) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

#4068600
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45657) - you deserved it (14857)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by bookworm94 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

#4068517
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32547) - you deserved it (11942)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:07am - work - by OhNo. (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

#4066807
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51855) - you deserved it (11904)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

#4062613
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44429) - you deserved it (17477)

On 07/26/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by omgwtfsam (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

#4061190
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38184) - you deserved it (2904)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by mvp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

#4060488
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17350) - you deserved it (71313)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm - animals - by Fmycatslife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

#4055468
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48706) - you deserved it (5675)

On 07/26/2009 at 2:58pm - kids - by loserwithlice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

#4054233
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32133) - you deserved it (17906)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:39pm - health - by mobster (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

#4053861
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42322) - you deserved it (6423)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Deadfish (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

#4052312
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9493) - you deserved it (80068)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by racchhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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