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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13787) - you deserved it (50188)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33188) - you deserved it (13566)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

#4397930
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10327) - you deserved it (44282)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by broke_otaku (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

#4397401
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (7245)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51172) - you deserved it (11200)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

#4391923
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50238) - you deserved it (3069)

On 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

#4391882
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42638) - you deserved it (7076)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:59pm - misc - by acorn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

#4390230
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41503) - you deserved it (10724)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

#4389779
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10855) - you deserved it (62856)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

#4386622
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37832) - you deserved it (4173)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

#4385596
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (7266)

On 08/08/2009 at 2:02pm - misc - by kittykat (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (5295)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

#4382906
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16344) - you deserved it (66729)

On 08/08/2009 at 10:53am - kids - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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