FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

by oopsididitagain / 11/30/2010 at 1:49pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML

by crushed / 11/30/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 10:23am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:08am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:06am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 10:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

by nybaby / 11/29/2010 at 4:17pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

by preggers / 11/29/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

by vhtdgjj / 11/29/2010 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

by fuckina / 11/29/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML

by wtf / 11/29/2010 at 11:05am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 9:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy