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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9718) - you deserved it (28732)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

#8801800
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29295) - you deserved it (2378)

On 03/03/2010 at 4:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

#8800810
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25805) - you deserved it (3718)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:35pm - misc - by ROLLY - United States (Florida)

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

#8800523
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23380) - you deserved it (3989)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by pothole - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

#8795495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25462) - you deserved it (6725)

On 03/03/2010 at 8:21am - love - by Carrie - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

#8794637
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (3243)

On 03/03/2010 at 6:13am - misc - by ouch... (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

#8793926
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33438) - you deserved it (3825)

On 03/03/2010 at 4:24am - intimacy - by victoriassecret - United States

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

#8792170
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10169) - you deserved it (20689)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

#8791627
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21539) - you deserved it (7769)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:10am - misc - by JoshuaRob - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

#8791575
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24792) - you deserved it (2658)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:06am - animals - by MetalAtlas (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

#8790917
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35755) - you deserved it (2643)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:37am - misc - by holycrap (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

#8790024
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27770) - you deserved it (2592)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

#8784416
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9283) - you deserved it (27931)

On 03/02/2010 at 9:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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