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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

#4712150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36397) - you deserved it (1848)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by ostfae (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

#4709917
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36951) - you deserved it (3236)

On 08/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

#4708502
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35891) - you deserved it (2234)

On 08/21/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by whoababy55 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

#4707579
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32244) - you deserved it (2557)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by ihatelongflights (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

#4706873
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37156) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/21/2009 at 11:36am - love - by sophistication (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

#4705802
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24262) - you deserved it (38092)

On 08/21/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

#4703567
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34428) - you deserved it (6654)

On 08/21/2009 at 5:27am - health - by tryingatkins (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

#4702717
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40767) - you deserved it (5854)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:06am - love - by tacoboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

#4702090
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9440) - you deserved it (41592)

On 08/21/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by onebadwave (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

#4699130
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15380) - you deserved it (46861)

On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

#4698361
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34005) - you deserved it (2901)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:52am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58762) - you deserved it (3400)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)



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