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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

#4475773
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55356) - you deserved it (3435)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:09pm - love - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

#4472401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50572) - you deserved it (6972)

On 08/12/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by maidmyday (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

#4472347
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46700) - you deserved it (4817)

On 08/12/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by CosmicJoke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

#4468177
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17312) - you deserved it (41281)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:49am - misc - by Bambi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, whilst babysitting, I broke a glass. I explained to the kid that it was very important not to walk barefoot around where it had happened, because of the tiny bits of glass. He jumped back, scared, and while doing so tripped. I rushed to help him and ran through the broken glass. Barefoot. FML

#4467592
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38424) - you deserved it (11433)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by ohdang (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

#4467234
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55528) - you deserved it (3059)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:01am - love - by FUSMC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

#4466050
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31066) - you deserved it (56807)

On 08/12/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

#4465464
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63100) - you deserved it (9232)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

#4464455
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59821) - you deserved it (4032)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - animals - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

#4463161
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14114) - you deserved it (41823)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:34pm - kids - by SomeDJ (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

#4460774
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53265) - you deserved it (2818)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

#4460221
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40346) - you deserved it (5418)

On 08/11/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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