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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

#8859695
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12334) - you deserved it (39109)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - love - by mariah_1_11 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

#8859688
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22109) - you deserved it (4584)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - misc - by shortiem (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

#8852783
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30259) - you deserved it (2170)

On 03/05/2010 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

#8852527
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34013) - you deserved it (3522)

On 03/05/2010 at 8:05pm - money - by mrrichkid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

#8851700
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (2752)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by artsmart1 - United States

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

#8846079
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27317) - you deserved it (2333)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:21pm - misc - by copenhagen20 - United States (Armed Forces Africa)

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

#8843088
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (2636)

On 03/05/2010 at 10:39am - misc - by FatalxDesire599 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

#8841387
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40076) - you deserved it (3458)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:54am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

#8840296
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23300) - you deserved it (2693)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:01am - work - by Petergibbons - United States (California)

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

#8840238
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (3157)

On 03/05/2010 at 2:50am - misc - by whyymee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

#8838699
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29758) - you deserved it (5196)

On 03/05/2010 at 1:10am - kids - by icarlymom (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24154) - you deserved it (12553)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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