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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27327) - you deserved it (3632)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

#6487113
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33178) - you deserved it (2280)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

#6484371
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29813) - you deserved it (1967)

On 11/27/2009 at 8:48pm - animals - by bill - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

#6482336
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32378) - you deserved it (9511)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21551) - you deserved it (3205)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

#6480893
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56742) - you deserved it (2855)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm - love - by Nobody (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22069) - you deserved it (5209)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

#6477296
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28668) - you deserved it (5517)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

#6476260
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7735) - you deserved it (55704)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

#6476198
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5998) - you deserved it (47410)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:13am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (7061)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

#6474495
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (5101)

On 11/27/2009 at 3:09am - love - by Duped (woman) - United States (California)



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