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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

#8916810
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12464) - you deserved it (33112)

On 03/08/2010 at 10:14am - love - by xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

#8916783
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39453) - you deserved it (4761)

On 03/08/2010 at 10:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

#8916498
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (3463)

On 03/08/2010 at 9:46am - misc - by sleepy2010 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

#8916376
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32942) - you deserved it (2846)

On 03/08/2010 at 9:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

#8915747
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10560) - you deserved it (42703)

On 03/08/2010 at 8:19am - misc - by what434 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

#8914143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7946) - you deserved it (49754)

On 03/08/2010 at 4:37am - misc - by dream_girl_3 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

#8911500
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (3947)

On 03/08/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by raidered - United States (California)

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

#8910408
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35130) - you deserved it (2459)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by itsEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

#8905388
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28247) - you deserved it (2336)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm - misc - by leenibeani4 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10445) - you deserved it (36629)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (2457)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

#8899793
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32453) - you deserved it (2789)

On 03/07/2010 at 7:16pm - health - by space_cadet90818 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

#8893586
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31053) - you deserved it (2628)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:20pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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