FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

by Eyebrowsgone / 08/25/2010 at 9:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

by vstan / 08/24/2010 at 8:48pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

by iammike / 08/24/2010 at 6:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

by groomsman / 08/24/2010 at 8:19am / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

by jace17 / 08/24/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

by bestbirthdayever / 08/24/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

by chewybarseventy / 08/24/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

by DormHater / 08/23/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

by lizardface / 08/23/2010 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Health