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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

#8893586
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31051) - you deserved it (2628)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:20pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my looks alone made a girl cry. FML

#8893190
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32481) - you deserved it (4742)

On 03/07/2010 at 1:54pm - misc - by SadFace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

#8892193
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28510) - you deserved it (3405)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by workinggirl (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

#8891983
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22982) - you deserved it (5432)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

#8890644
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13679) - you deserved it (23379)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21054) - you deserved it (39429)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

#8887792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40397) - you deserved it (2655)

On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a phone call from my father asking how I spelled my name. Not only was he the parent who picked out my name, he was completely serious. FML

#8886558
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (1956)

On 03/07/2010 at 3:18am - misc - by crimson28 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

#8883543
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9337) - you deserved it (37347)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41am - health - by fatlady - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

#8882975
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30102) - you deserved it (3733)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:21am - love - by me - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10497) - you deserved it (24671)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

#8880583
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8915) - you deserved it (20909)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:56pm - work - by Maxx (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

#8876502
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10665) - you deserved it (26545)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by Octobre (man) - United States (Ohio)



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