FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

by jordanss / 11/11/2010 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

by MrsKSB / 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

by khaelian / 11/11/2010 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

by anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 9:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML

by Caught / 11/11/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, at the Museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

by latino / 11/11/2010 at 6:30am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 3:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

by robbyrabbit / 11/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 11:32pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

by lala / 11/10/2010 at 9:49pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love