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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

#4865635
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7389) - you deserved it (58425)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - work - by staringisrude (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

#4863125
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (49148)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

#4862674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53900) - you deserved it (2154)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Kitty_Gem (woman) - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41299) - you deserved it (19450)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

#4859599
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64770) - you deserved it (2356)

On 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm - money - by crookedteeth (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

#4859108
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57267) - you deserved it (8627)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

#4858444
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40568) - you deserved it (4752)

On 08/27/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

#4856467
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42868) - you deserved it (2182)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by buzzzzkill (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

#4854965
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49675) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by catlady5569 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

#4854572
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13579) - you deserved it (51361)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by p-man - United States

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

#4854155
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44733) - you deserved it (8682)

On 08/27/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by gonebabygone - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

#4850742
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36806) - you deserved it (2552)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

#4850568
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65425) - you deserved it (5280)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Hellohaileyexoh (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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