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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

#8974087
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10281) - you deserved it (65222)

On 03/10/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

#8973652
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5862) - you deserved it (58947)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

#8973214
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23123) - you deserved it (3810)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Jamie - United States (Florida)

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

#8972575
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24254) - you deserved it (2557)

On 03/10/2010 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by robotchickens (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

#8971498
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (4321)

On 03/10/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by Nancy - United States

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

#8970857
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27907) - you deserved it (5479)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

#8972431
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32252) - you deserved it (4126)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by watersport (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

#8968601
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29229) - you deserved it (4026)

On 03/10/2010 at 9:54am - love - by NotTilly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

#8967212
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33389) - you deserved it (4432)

On 03/10/2010 at 7:12am - love - by dumped - United States (Texas)

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

#8966717
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (28006)

On 03/10/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by ohno - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (3513)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32091) - you deserved it (4809)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

#8962343
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22563) - you deserved it (6716)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by KJS (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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