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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

#5163293
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36878) - you deserved it (6231)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

#5157778
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30075) - you deserved it (4551)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

#5154574
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32251) - you deserved it (2363)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:30pm - work - by slashteddy (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

#5154166
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41656) - you deserved it (4391)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by K-9cop (man) - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

#5153713
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31792) - you deserved it (8022)

On 09/09/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by sadchick (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

#5151842
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54678) - you deserved it (4977)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

#5150638
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37148) - you deserved it (4047)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by Missy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

#5150637
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35868) - you deserved it (3660)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by m - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38767) - you deserved it (4411)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

#5149100
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51016) - you deserved it (4053)

On 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Somessedup (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181087) - you deserved it (18909)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

#5148026
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (6908)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by hwood (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15421) - you deserved it (39713)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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