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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

#6823422
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22361) - you deserved it (2808)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by Tights2Tight - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

#6822450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23233) - you deserved it (2257)

On 12/19/2009 at 1:20am - animals - by dog_day (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

#6821987
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31351) - you deserved it (2410)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:52am - love - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

#6821281
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24689) - you deserved it (10555)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

#6821061
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20824) - you deserved it (13404)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by GlassPwn (woman) - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

#6820464
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11791) - you deserved it (23199)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by Poem (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

#6814532
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21716) - you deserved it (8865)

On 12/18/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

#6813571
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7629) - you deserved it (28776)

On 12/18/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Sardine (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

#6812305
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31583) - you deserved it (2171)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:46pm - health - by ThatAintLogical (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

#6812194
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33053) - you deserved it (2443)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

#6812101
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25911) - you deserved it (4322)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

#6811696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36611) - you deserved it (3720)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by mclovin09 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

#6811262
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (3427)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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