FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 3:37am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:12am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

by haleyfml / 10/27/2010 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for halloween. He said "Single". FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 1:58am / United States / Work

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

by ew / 10/27/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

by Bellucy27 / 10/26/2010 at 11:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

by zzzgrady / 10/26/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

by DriveMeNot / 10/26/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2010 at 4:34pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

by WTF / 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

by oaksac191 / 10/26/2010 at 12:50pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found out I received a "D" on my ethics exam, not because I did not know the information or did not follow the correct guidelines for writing the moral arguments, but because according to my professor my moral values are wrong. FML

by ecuboy / 10/26/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.