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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28598) - you deserved it (3665)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

#7080938
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13350) - you deserved it (20525)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML

#7079923
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36577) - you deserved it (3747)

On 01/01/2010 at 10:41am - kids - by silverstar189 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

#7079219
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32682) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:12am - kids - by andy - United States (New York)

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

#7077450
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21781) - you deserved it (2363)

On 01/01/2010 at 5:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

#7075240
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12208) - you deserved it (34530)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:16am - misc - by thatsjustlovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

#7073820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35152) - you deserved it (2632)

On 01/01/2010 at 2:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

#7072214
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24938) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/01/2010 at 1:10am - misc - by nobffs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was with my boyfriend of two months, hoping this would be our night of the first kiss. I was so excited when the ball started to drop. When it hit "0", I turned to him, hoping for a kiss, and saw him making out with another girl. He didn't even turn around. FML

#7070397
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39735) - you deserved it (7221)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:12am - love - by ItSucks (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

#7063669
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25469) - you deserved it (5177)

On 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

#7060819
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30420) - you deserved it (4554)

On 12/31/2009 at 4:47pm - love - by Unloving (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

#7059140
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23448) - you deserved it (9151)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40642) - you deserved it (18624)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)



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