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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

#6013490
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

#6010579
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7958) - you deserved it (37314)

On 10/26/2009 at 6:18pm - love - by P4ntless (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

#6009971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32734) - you deserved it (2894)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by meagainsttheworld (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

#6009820
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17915) - you deserved it (4928)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by FYLyfer (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

#6008433
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33283) - you deserved it (3738)

On 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by notsohot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

#6007391
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32995) - you deserved it (5870)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by oralMistake - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

#6006516
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29888) - you deserved it (8647)

On 10/26/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by hanzastfu (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

#6005073
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (30320)

On 10/26/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

#6002537
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32053) - you deserved it (2506)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Jack - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

#6001127
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20126) - you deserved it (44629)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15444) - you deserved it (8985)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

#6001023
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31800) - you deserved it (6371)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24am - love - by cheezeits (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28271) - you deserved it (2565)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)



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