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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

#3889146
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32640) - you deserved it (10553)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML

#3886225
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40354) - you deserved it (6116)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by Tasty (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

#3884165
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11541) - you deserved it (46813)

On 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by nudie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

#3882567
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44355) - you deserved it (4725)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Churizmo - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

#3880304
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69577) - you deserved it (3373)

On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

#3879305
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47468) - you deserved it (4081)

On 07/19/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

#3878343
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44859) - you deserved it (5192)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

#3877886
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63158) - you deserved it (4106)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

#3877056
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22880) - you deserved it (61984)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

#3875219
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48593) - you deserved it (3374)

On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - health - by coffeeburns (man) - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

#3872340
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44823) - you deserved it (4841)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Pusillanimous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38795) - you deserved it (3366)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

#3867495
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44634) - you deserved it (15416)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by preggersss (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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