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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

#6826046
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33352) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:15am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (6297)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

#6824499
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33533) - you deserved it (2788)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

#6824006
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27658) - you deserved it (2792)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by honutattoo - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

#6823589
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (2826)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:48am - love - by musicyman55 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

#6823511
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25117) - you deserved it (3493)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:39am - work - by Hareega (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

#6823422
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you deserved it (2808)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by Tights2Tight - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

#6822450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (2257)

On 12/19/2009 at 1:20am - animals - by dog_day (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

#6821987
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31349) - you deserved it (2410)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:52am - love - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

#6821281
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24682) - you deserved it (10552)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

#6821061
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20823) - you deserved it (13402)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by GlassPwn (woman) - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

#6820464
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11791) - you deserved it (23197)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by Poem (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

#6814532
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21710) - you deserved it (8864)

On 12/18/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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