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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59283) - you deserved it (15285)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

#5186849
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (3074)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by TankTankTank (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

#5186777
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36670) - you deserved it (4360)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by thatgirl247 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

#5186753
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35256) - you deserved it (3459)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

#5184677
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36662) - you deserved it (3692)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:26am - love - by moresexperience (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me several flowers and chocolate boxes to my office. It ends up that he cheated on me with my sister and tried to break the news to me after all the presents he sent. I thought he actually remembered our anniversary this year. FML

#5182605
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41756) - you deserved it (2391)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

#5182351
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41007) - you deserved it (5346)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by livin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

#5180905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12309) - you deserved it (36011)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:23am - love - by suzanneallen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

#5180863
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33661) - you deserved it (3212)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by CollegeFreshman (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I participated in the school play. My family came to see me in the production. All was going well when my dad came up to me and said, "Where the fuck were you? The show sucked." Thanks dad for not recognizing your own daughter. FML

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

#5176412
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40130) - you deserved it (2500)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Indiana)

Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

#5174930
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28970) - you deserved it (16158)

On 09/10/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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