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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

#4641799
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38849) - you deserved it (5289)

On 08/18/2009 at 10:44pm - love - by Lies (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

#4639027
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14213) - you deserved it (64788)

On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56882) - you deserved it (11362)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

#4632889
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8523) - you deserved it (64713)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by Laundrylady (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112987) - you deserved it (8493)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

#4627315
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47755) - you deserved it (9394)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by anonymus (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on our 2nd date. We decided to get to know each other with a game. I asked him what makes him nervous. He said "talking to really attractive girls." I then asked him if I was making him nervous. He said no. FML

#4627124
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (14299)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

#4626949
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34964) - you deserved it (11273)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by itzcorinnelove (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40290) - you deserved it (9028)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10542) - you deserved it (88989)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72635) - you deserved it (5798)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49407) - you deserved it (17227)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

#4617749
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48596) - you deserved it (3416)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by thedd (woman) - United States (California)



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