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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

#9095527
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32792) - you deserved it (2257)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:19am - love - by kukadaman - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

#9095139
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8027) - you deserved it (31316)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:00am - intimacy - by PubelishedAuthor (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

#9094642
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (4850)

On 03/15/2010 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

#9093072
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26123) - you deserved it (4679)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:51am - money - by Fridaythe12th (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

#9092499
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33666) - you deserved it (2847)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

#9087167
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (8545)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30656) - you deserved it (5600)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

#9085698
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9995) - you deserved it (24860)

On 03/14/2010 at 9:39pm - misc - by grann (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

#9081770
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32031) - you deserved it (2317)

On 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm - animals - by OhhhNooo (man) - United States (California)

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

#9077477
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (8012)

On 03/14/2010 at 4:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

#9077392
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (2360)

On 03/14/2010 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

#9077229
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25604) - you deserved it (2373)

On 03/14/2010 at 4:14pm - kids - by mommy - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

#9074868
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10770) - you deserved it (23651)

On 03/14/2010 at 2:29pm - work - by teachingsucks (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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