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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

#6859638
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4939) - you deserved it (37374)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:04am - work - by eliteslayer29 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

#6857935
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27458) - you deserved it (2888)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by goblue (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46679) - you deserved it (2573)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

#6856764
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31178) - you deserved it (4356)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. Instead of taking me home like he told me he was going to, he pulled up to the gas station, gave me $6, and asked me to go pay. As soon as I walked inside, he threw my bag out the door, and drove off. FML

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8067) - you deserved it (21155)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9315) - you deserved it (49267)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

#6848159
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30295) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Lapis (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

#6844162
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22686) - you deserved it (10227)

On 12/20/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by kat, ACT - United States

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

#6843918
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (2907)

On 12/20/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by B-Rizzle (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

#6842155
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (4033)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:14am - love - by Catholicguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

#6841945
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9788) - you deserved it (31013)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

#6841457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26116) - you deserved it (3433)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by VCR (woman) - United States (California)



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