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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

#5832745
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19763) - you deserved it (3045)

On 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by newscomes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

#5831331
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10245) - you deserved it (23607)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

#5829686
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (7118)

On 10/14/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

#5829001
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (2082)

On 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by creepystalkerguy (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88079) - you deserved it (14704)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

#5827386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33411) - you deserved it (3342)

On 10/14/2009 at 11:19am - love - by DumpedHisAss (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

#5827048
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26645) - you deserved it (6910)

On 10/14/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by thelandofoz - United States (Florida)

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

#5826781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20176) - you deserved it (8483)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

#5826469
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38084) - you deserved it (4886)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:00am - health - by tooflufoschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26675) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

#5825790
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7557) - you deserved it (29536)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by fmypaint (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

#5824297
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30051) - you deserved it (1974)

On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

#5821457
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30098) - you deserved it (1850)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by stepknee (man) - United States (Ohio)



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