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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

#6022532
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7840) - you deserved it (61869)

On 10/27/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by dave (man) - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

#6021745
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39004) - you deserved it (3178)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by WasFeelingGood (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

#6020762
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32211) - you deserved it (5049)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:20am - love - by kahemae44 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21098) - you deserved it (7831)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

#6017805
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9088) - you deserved it (26811)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

#6017534
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (1628)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:04am - work - by hatemyjob (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

#6016625
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26198) - you deserved it (2674)

On 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

#6014859
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21077) - you deserved it (9051)

On 10/26/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by annie00016 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

#6013490
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32386) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

#6010579
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7957) - you deserved it (37356)

On 10/26/2009 at 6:18pm - love - by P4ntless (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

#6009971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32730) - you deserved it (2893)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by meagainsttheworld (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

#6009820
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17909) - you deserved it (4927)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by FYLyfer (woman) - United States



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