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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

#9171257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27671) - you deserved it (2823)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by pubes (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

#9161234
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36203) - you deserved it (3904)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

#9160744
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27881) - you deserved it (4598)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:03pm - money - by thanxguys (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

#9160182
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24809) - you deserved it (9000)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:26pm - health - by Betty (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

#9158678
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30042) - you deserved it (5880)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:53pm - misc - by bmaas - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

#9158160
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25738) - you deserved it (3809)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

#9158152
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24368) - you deserved it (5076)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:15pm - health - by patrick - United States

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

#9157788
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10420) - you deserved it (38562)

On 03/17/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by shouldabeenapornstar (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

#9157665
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73965) - you deserved it (6415)

On 03/17/2010 at 11:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

#9157447
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30365) - you deserved it (4679)

On 03/17/2010 at 11:22am - misc - by socksoffire (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

#9156670
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30390) - you deserved it (4933)

On 03/17/2010 at 10:18am - work - by mama75 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

#9153191
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35909) - you deserved it (4969)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:05am - love - by Girl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

#9150929
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26028) - you deserved it (3409)

On 03/17/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by rainonmyparade (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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