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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

#9351923
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37353) - you deserved it (4442)

On 03/24/2010 at 11:00am - intimacy - by suckstobeme - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

#9327043
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34895) - you deserved it (4279)

On 03/23/2010 at 10:51am - intimacy - by BadtoWorse (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

#9244161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35279) - you deserved it (6493)

On 03/20/2010 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by drew_ar85 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18851) - you deserved it (23670)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

#9186653
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43378) - you deserved it (3694)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm - love - by YouAREthefather (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

#9183586
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32789) - you deserved it (3101)

On 03/18/2010 at 9:49am - love - by anon17 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

#9183283
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12235) - you deserved it (29754)

On 03/18/2010 at 9:30am - misc - by ihateyouatt (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

#9182520
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (4651)

On 03/18/2010 at 8:20am - money - by Anna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (36621)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

#9179900
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (4096)

On 03/18/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

#9177889
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31757) - you deserved it (3108)

On 03/18/2010 at 1:18am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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