FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 6:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

by El Camino / 11/25/2010 at 4:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

by blenderbookf / 11/25/2010 at 1:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 12:54pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 8:41am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 12:24am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

by cartrouble / 11/24/2010 at 10:52pm / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 9:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 2:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

by ryansmithho / 11/24/2010 at 2:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

by Heyy / 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 12:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous