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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

#5622271
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38751) - you deserved it (5769)

On 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. FML

#5621142
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14653) - you deserved it (29900)

On 10/03/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

#5620917
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6828) - you deserved it (55794)

On 10/03/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by deadfish - United States (Florida)

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

#5618503
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13340) - you deserved it (28672)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

#5618007
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32552) - you deserved it (3532)

On 10/03/2009 at 6:31am - work - by Spanishredhead (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML

#5617258
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (46264)

On 10/03/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by hahahaha91 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

#5615281
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48914) - you deserved it (2770)

On 10/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

#5612700
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7726) - you deserved it (34233)

On 10/02/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by Unemployed (woman) - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

#5611182
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33003) - you deserved it (2167)

On 10/02/2009 at 9:01pm - misc - by wowjuststop - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

#5609665
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29794) - you deserved it (16502)

On 10/02/2009 at 7:32pm - money - by jacked (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

#5607614
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48075) - you deserved it (2397)

On 10/02/2009 at 5:31pm - work - by Rae (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

#5607225
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7986) - you deserved it (66242)

On 10/02/2009 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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