FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

by lolu / 10/10/2010 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

by toazt / 10/10/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

by ewwy / 10/10/2010 at 2:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

by lightblue / 10/10/2010 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 12:29am / United States / Animals

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

by nikki / 10/09/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

by Sean / 10/09/2010 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 2:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

by Kiimmy / 10/09/2010 at 10:36am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 5:41am / United States (California) / Work