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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

#6915702
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9662) - you deserved it (30317)

On 12/24/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by FlGirl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

#6914931
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33700) - you deserved it (2787)

On 12/24/2009 at 1:09am - love - by Nemesis2747 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

#6914184
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (3033)

On 12/24/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Beeh (woman) - United States

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

#6911518
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Muffinhater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21788) - you deserved it (6785)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#6908981
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22919) - you deserved it (3942)

On 12/23/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by everybodysfool (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

#6904777
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7250) - you deserved it (41533)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21810) - you deserved it (2216)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

#6902851
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11943) - you deserved it (25717)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm - work - by chris (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

#6901032
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (11304)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

#6900701
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30299) - you deserved it (3195)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by bee (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

#6900019
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23269) - you deserved it (8095)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:30am - health - by SnowyConcussion (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

#6898693
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26534) - you deserved it (4421)

On 12/23/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by BeautifulDisastre (woman) - United States (California)



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