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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

#4779323
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33741) - you deserved it (16812)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:57am - intimacy - by Mattyboy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35817) - you deserved it (6869)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

#4775370
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45658) - you deserved it (3107)

On 08/24/2009 at 1:16am - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

#4774624
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44608) - you deserved it (4803)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by secretdeo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

#4774290
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28508) - you deserved it (17918)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by bobuhbeartoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (38119)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

#4767628
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39519) - you deserved it (1972)

On 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by violatedinden (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

#4764613
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7680) - you deserved it (34730)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

#4763685
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (3310)

On 08/23/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by SummerGirl0009 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He's an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don't think he knows what they are. FML

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

#4760219
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (12057)

On 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

#4758103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5904) - you deserved it (45824)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by chacha_bby - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

#4757716
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5936) - you deserved it (37875)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:08pm - misc - by Susan (woman) - United States (Florida)



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