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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

#10615901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25740) - you deserved it (6933)

On 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by MisterT (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

#10604830
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18441) - you deserved it (37592)

On 05/18/2010 at 1:22am - love - by Dana422 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

#10594461
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (3455)

On 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm - misc - by Coyote (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

#10586322
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6302) - you deserved it (44409)

On 05/17/2010 at 7:09am - misc - by Zapped - United States (New York)

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

#10581803
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8281) - you deserved it (30023)

On 05/17/2010 at 12:10am - misc - by jcheer113 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

#10578694
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35796) - you deserved it (3722)

On 05/16/2010 at 10:24pm - love - by jolene11 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

#10559209
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38946) - you deserved it (10283)

On 05/16/2010 at 12:08am - health - by fatgirl - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

#10553243
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30306) - you deserved it (5382)

On 05/15/2010 at 7:47pm - love - by ihatelaura (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

#10549258
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35914) - you deserved it (6731)

On 05/15/2010 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

#10547864
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16187) - you deserved it (35048)

On 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by prettybich - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

#10546987
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45099) - you deserved it (3742)

On 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm - love - by schwange (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

#10541725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29385) - you deserved it (17015)

On 05/15/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Teaching26 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

#10539728
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27325) - you deserved it (2610)

On 05/15/2010 at 1:09am - health - by bitten (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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