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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

#9994288
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39900) - you deserved it (9519)

On 04/19/2010 at 4:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

#9950878
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13734) - you deserved it (55671)

On 04/17/2010 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by BoobSicle (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

#9913301
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43982) - you deserved it (21531)

On 04/16/2010 at 12:03am - intimacy - by shmelly - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

#9812049
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30401) - you deserved it (7422)

On 04/11/2010 at 8:27pm - misc - by lonely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12623) - you deserved it (42015)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19308) - you deserved it (44587)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got my son's phone bill (the phone I got him to call us from college). I found out he's been calling a phone sex hotline everyday. He hasn't called us once. FML

#9796070
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40814) - you deserved it (8422)

On 04/11/2010 at 2:34am - intimacy - by dannytriplet - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71530) - you deserved it (7073)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

#9672080
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33772) - you deserved it (5676)

On 04/06/2010 at 3:10am - intimacy - by BluBaller (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

#9645798
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35323) - you deserved it (9710)

On 04/05/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by FASHlONABLE - United States (California)

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45481) - you deserved it (7994)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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