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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

#4076767
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (23583)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37767) - you deserved it (8660)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35635) - you deserved it (3560)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (3435)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51982) - you deserved it (14203)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

#4069645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51365) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

#4068600
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45559) - you deserved it (14839)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by bookworm94 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

#4068517
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32490) - you deserved it (11926)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:07am - work - by OhNo. (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

#4066807
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51780) - you deserved it (11892)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

#4062613
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44190) - you deserved it (17395)

On 07/26/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by omgwtfsam (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

#4061190
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38115) - you deserved it (2899)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by mvp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

#4060488
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17320) - you deserved it (71192)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm - animals - by Fmycatslife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

#4055468
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48595) - you deserved it (5671)

On 07/26/2009 at 2:58pm - kids - by loserwithlice (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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