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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

#10668547
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40623) - you deserved it (8206)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:26pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

#10667407
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50251) - you deserved it (14524)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

#10666872
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20696) - you deserved it (35440)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:01am - love - by finalssuck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

#10661974
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (4116)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

#10661591
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28736) - you deserved it (3838)

On 05/21/2010 at 12:40am - love - by humanalarmclock (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
555 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17856) - you deserved it (265619)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

#10656263
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (5046)

On 05/20/2010 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

#10649271
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39576) - you deserved it (6501)

On 05/20/2010 at 2:32pm - intimacy - by kjdhfakjs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

#10647236
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30608) - you deserved it (4508)

On 05/20/2010 at 11:20am - kids - by Soaked (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

#10645827
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7804) - you deserved it (54415)

On 05/20/2010 at 8:37am - misc - by Candy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

#10642030
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44656) - you deserved it (4928)

On 05/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by life sucks - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

#10629678
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29556) - you deserved it (4421)

On 05/19/2010 at 4:43pm - animals - by Rich - United States (New York)

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

#10628533
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19214) - you deserved it (29326)

On 05/19/2010 at 2:42pm - misc - by phukt (man) - United States (Washington)



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