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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

#10499435
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42895) - you deserved it (8805)

On 05/13/2010 at 12:07am - work - by justkillm3 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

#10496358
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (7988)

On 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm - misc - by honorstudent - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work, a woman left her credit card at my register. I tried to return it before she left. Seeing her getting into her car, I jogged after her and yelled, "Wait." She ran over my foot. FML

#10488066
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31996) - you deserved it (2908)

On 05/12/2010 at 4:07pm - work - by ab1e - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

#10446068
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7597) - you deserved it (51210)

On 05/10/2010 at 1:28am - work - by drewig - United States (California)

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

#10435354
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36189) - you deserved it (5059)

On 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

#10433872
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (9989)

On 05/09/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by imustbegay - United States

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

#10398806
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41413) - you deserved it (5611)

On 05/07/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SkiMaskFukd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

#10396972
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28014) - you deserved it (4714)

On 05/07/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

#10288780
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29236) - you deserved it (5470)

On 05/02/2010 at 3:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

#10120453
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40071) - you deserved it (2972)

On 04/24/2010 at 7:38pm - love - by ncjarhead (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

#9994288
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39898) - you deserved it (9519)

On 04/19/2010 at 4:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

#9950878
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13716) - you deserved it (55641)

On 04/17/2010 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by BoobSicle (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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