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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

#10559209
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38939) - you deserved it (10284)

On 05/16/2010 at 12:08am - health - by fatgirl - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

#10553243
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30297) - you deserved it (5381)

On 05/15/2010 at 7:47pm - love - by ihatelaura (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

#10549258
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35861) - you deserved it (6721)

On 05/15/2010 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

#10547864
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16168) - you deserved it (35029)

On 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by prettybich - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

#10546987
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45096) - you deserved it (3742)

On 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm - love - by schwange (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

#10541725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29379) - you deserved it (17014)

On 05/15/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Teaching26 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

#10539728
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27321) - you deserved it (2610)

On 05/15/2010 at 1:09am - health - by bitten (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

#10521391
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26905) - you deserved it (5027)

On 05/14/2010 at 1:01am - misc - by superhero1043 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my best friend told me that she is only my friend because she is prettier than me and being my friend boost her confidence. FML

#10520303
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32218) - you deserved it (3124)

On 05/14/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by fothermuckerrr - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

#10516903
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9981) - you deserved it (32374)

On 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm - misc - by BigMouth McRedface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

#10512459
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9095) - you deserved it (45433)

On 05/13/2010 at 7:31pm - misc - by errints234234 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

#10511557
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (11022)

On 05/13/2010 at 6:49pm - animals - by Alicia - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

#10509777
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31352) - you deserved it (13158)

On 05/13/2010 at 5:00pm - misc - by shit - United States (Oklahoma)



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