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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

#10726824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23122) - you deserved it (8956)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by HairyLeggedItalian (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML

#10725342
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30424) - you deserved it (6710)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14am - kids - by blahblah - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

#10717773
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12990) - you deserved it (36938)

On 05/23/2010 at 7:15pm - misc - by THANKS4theINFO (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

#10713367
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (3299)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm - kids - by rkl2010 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

#10707912
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33195) - you deserved it (8024)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:10am - intimacy - by Maxie-Nathanial - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

#10707019
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32394) - you deserved it (13577)

On 05/23/2010 at 3:29am - work - by Around - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

#10705842
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37908) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:08am - health - by gpistas - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

#10699156
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30024) - you deserved it (3334)

On 05/22/2010 at 9:24pm - misc - by *sigh* - United States (Indiana)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37005) - you deserved it (15446)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

#10696797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16756) - you deserved it (45247)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

#10693899
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33330) - you deserved it (7346)

On 05/22/2010 at 4:32pm - animals - by lashless (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

#10684550
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13769) - you deserved it (46633)

On 05/22/2010 at 4:08am - work - by poncho31 - United States (Idaho)



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