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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

#10870072
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38282) - you deserved it (10753)

On 05/30/2010 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by lonelyandbored - United States (Virginia)

Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML

#10855287
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31828) - you deserved it (4260)

On 05/30/2010 at 1:12am - animals - by Alpheas - United States (Texas)

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

#10853555
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31256) - you deserved it (5369)

On 05/30/2010 at 12:01am - animals - by misTreated (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

#10837564
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (2681)

On 05/29/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by hulagirl1217 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

#10832830
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38033) - you deserved it (8071)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:14am - health - by fmlpanda (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

#10827596
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35967) - you deserved it (4519)

On 05/28/2010 at 7:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

#10823884
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11609) - you deserved it (31722)

On 05/28/2010 at 4:37pm - misc - by crazygirl10 - United States

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

#10821429
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29253) - you deserved it (13313)

On 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

#10813076
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9294) - you deserved it (41068)

On 05/28/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by Teresa (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

#10812675
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14356) - you deserved it (57037)

On 05/28/2010 at 12:15am - love - by TheSickness (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

#10802234
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28228) - you deserved it (3930)

On 05/27/2010 at 4:59pm - misc - by Nchristine - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

#10791004
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17885) - you deserved it (32906)

On 05/27/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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