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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

#10707912
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33195) - you deserved it (8024)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:10am - intimacy - by Maxie-Nathanial - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

#10707019
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (13575)

On 05/23/2010 at 3:29am - work - by Around - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

#10705842
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37906) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:08am - health - by gpistas - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

#10699156
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30023) - you deserved it (3334)

On 05/22/2010 at 9:24pm - misc - by *sigh* - United States (Indiana)

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

#10696817
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36986) - you deserved it (15442)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

#10696797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16751) - you deserved it (45226)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

#10693899
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33328) - you deserved it (7346)

On 05/22/2010 at 4:32pm - animals - by lashless (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

#10684550
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13759) - you deserved it (46612)

On 05/22/2010 at 4:08am - work - by poncho31 - United States (Idaho)

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

#10678827
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12260) - you deserved it (40130)

On 05/21/2010 at 10:41pm - health - by guyshithappensto (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

#10678608
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29956) - you deserved it (5380)

On 05/21/2010 at 10:33pm - misc - by Jlipka - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

#10675411
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24178) - you deserved it (11905)

On 05/21/2010 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

#10668547
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40609) - you deserved it (8205)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:26pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

#10667407
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50203) - you deserved it (14517)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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