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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

#7351107
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (5284)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:07am - love - by hesaidwhat - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

#7351038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23687) - you deserved it (8765)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by RyanSmithN (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

#7344260
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7044) - you deserved it (29682)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by nude (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

#7343318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9211) - you deserved it (33023)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:01pm - misc - by Lackadaisical (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25770) - you deserved it (3594)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30551) - you deserved it (5322)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

#7339012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29549) - you deserved it (4038)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

#7338496
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (17186)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by light_talker (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

#7336661
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37462) - you deserved it (2935)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Lost (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

#7336646
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22857) - you deserved it (5007)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by Nosexytime - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13166) - you deserved it (30448)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

#7336532
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (4468)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:45am - kids - by hair2daygone4ever (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

#7336289
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5933) - you deserved it (43165)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:14am - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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