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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

#5221967
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38963) - you deserved it (2191)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:12am - work - by ofcourse (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

#5220953
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30051) - you deserved it (12201)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

#5219756
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38149) - you deserved it (3924)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:26am - love - by broken (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

#5219515
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45998) - you deserved it (5869)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

#5218043
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (5590)

On 09/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by badhair (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at halloween costumes online for this years halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

#5217172
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (3412)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (7096)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23510) - you deserved it (3705)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

#5210857
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (4979)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

#5210731
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26083) - you deserved it (88331)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

#5209609
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41127) - you deserved it (2499)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Ljsmitty - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

#5208232
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (8067)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

#5206414
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11900) - you deserved it (45816)

On 09/12/2009 at 1:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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