Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14211) - you deserved it (39545)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (95) - you deserved it (7822)
On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55759) - you deserved it (6610)
On 02/26/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by lifesux17 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I put my hand into a vending machine to retrieve a bottle of water that was caught in the slot. After a minute, I realized I was trapped. 2 hours, 4 fire trucks, 3 police cars, and 1 ambulance later I was freed. The vending machine was in pieces and the bottle of water wasn't even for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37536) - you deserved it (9646)
On 02/26/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by VenderBender (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54238) - you deserved it (4987)
On 02/26/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by bilol (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13005) - you deserved it (60667)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14098) - you deserved it (43009)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I took the subway to school. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off too. He was blind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8540) - you deserved it (63388)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14878) - you deserved it (49619)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by FMluck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205647) - you deserved it (44853)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12502) - you deserved it (75039)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47065) - you deserved it (1754)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:05pm - work - by lolgarbl (man) - United States (California)
Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84182) - you deserved it (2679)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by froyo (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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