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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

#10773594
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32434) - you deserved it (5406)

On 05/26/2010 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

#10772348
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21395) - you deserved it (13705)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:18am - misc - by pandasbear - United States (California)

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

#10772340
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17221) - you deserved it (35340)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:17am - health - by kaylajere - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

#10751307
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34349) - you deserved it (2643)

On 05/25/2010 at 5:29am - work - by Jimbo (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

#10750179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28260) - you deserved it (4301)

On 05/25/2010 at 2:54am - love - by Ouchhh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19698) - you deserved it (55737)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

#10748439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (4115)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:55am - misc - by alyssac11 - United States (Michigan)

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

#10732441
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38841) - you deserved it (5063)

On 05/24/2010 at 11:14am - intimacy - by weirdedout (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

#10726824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23121) - you deserved it (8956)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by HairyLeggedItalian (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML

#10725342
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30418) - you deserved it (6710)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14am - kids - by blahblah - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

#10717773
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12990) - you deserved it (36937)

On 05/23/2010 at 7:15pm - misc - by THANKS4theINFO (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

#10713367
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26749) - you deserved it (3298)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm - kids - by rkl2010 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML



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