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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

#11070143
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51321) - you deserved it (6769)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by dancerr2210 - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

#11063786
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (5701)

On 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by CircleBruise (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

#11056176
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41489) - you deserved it (7258)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:07pm - kids - by sarahfromthesouth - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

#11047935
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42254) - you deserved it (2951)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by highschoolgrad (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

#11045008
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43013) - you deserved it (5791)

On 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm - love - by Th3BaconNinja (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

#11028124
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42335) - you deserved it (7198)

On 06/07/2010 at 3:03am - love - by flipflop - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

#11027844
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36970) - you deserved it (7922)

On 06/07/2010 at 2:43am - love - by soccerbooty - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend lied about crashing his car just to avoid seeing me. FML

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

#11017232
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33972) - you deserved it (2468)

On 06/06/2010 at 7:48pm - misc - by mark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

#11015044
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35348) - you deserved it (5527)

On 06/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by LilyL (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

#11011756
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47256) - you deserved it (6873)

On 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm - kids - by Annakins (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

#11001063
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41096) - you deserved it (2881)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:23am - misc - by justdancebbyx3 (woman) - United States (Florida)



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