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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

#6812101
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25861) - you deserved it (4321)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

#6811696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36582) - you deserved it (3719)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by mclovin09 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

#6811262
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33569) - you deserved it (3317)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

#6809461
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22253) - you deserved it (4307)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:19am - work - by B (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

#6808651
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39586) - you deserved it (2685)

On 12/18/2009 at 9:31am - love - by cheaters_should_die (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8080) - you deserved it (21564)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

#6805892
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31624) - you deserved it (1864)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Theo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12475) - you deserved it (22636)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a cute guy asked for my phone number and I gladly gave it to him. I was feeling really good about myself for getting hit on by the star football player. That was until he called 8 times and left 5 messages. In 2 hours. FML

#6804648
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24934) - you deserved it (9131)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by WhoaThere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

#6804423
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27973) - you deserved it (9484)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

#6803548
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5328) - you deserved it (74935)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Shocked (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29586) - you deserved it (4257)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)



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