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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

#11015044
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (5516)

On 06/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by LilyL (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

#11011756
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47254) - you deserved it (6873)

On 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm - kids - by Annakins (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

#11001063
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41095) - you deserved it (2880)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:23am - misc - by justdancebbyx3 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

#10991585
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41592) - you deserved it (4181)

On 06/05/2010 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by SlickMcK - United States (New York)

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

#10983443
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38983) - you deserved it (3416)

On 06/05/2010 at 6:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

#10975690
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69888) - you deserved it (8520)

On 06/04/2010 at 10:03pm - love - by weirdesout - United States (Texas)

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

#10974262
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34976) - you deserved it (25257)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

#10973475
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29697) - you deserved it (4666)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by morgan_love11 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

#10973350
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19865) - you deserved it (35682)

On 06/04/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by H05T1L3 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

#10959899
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12795) - you deserved it (33733)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36am - work - by firecrotch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

#10945520
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48362) - you deserved it (25814)

On 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Allie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

#10942679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33319) - you deserved it (2511)

On 06/03/2010 at 11:45am - work - by Greg - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

#10938544
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34822) - you deserved it (3916)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:44am - animals - by Kate - United States (Arizona)



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