FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 6:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Geek

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

by rockefoe / 10/20/2010 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML

by engineerdude91 / 10/19/2010 at 11:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

by Sarah / 10/19/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

by widow / 10/19/2010 at 6:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 3:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 3:18pm / United States (Puerto Rico) / Intimacy

Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has forgotten how old I am. However, he remembers exactly how much my real father owes him for child support. FML

by moe / 10/19/2010 at 3:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am... And to not forget to lose weight. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy