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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

#7357250
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6459) - you deserved it (45123)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm - work - by englishfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

#7356848
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6253) - you deserved it (27591)

On 01/15/2010 at 11:50am - work - by Sonic (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

#7354954
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27949) - you deserved it (2650)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

#7353628
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32994) - you deserved it (3861)

On 01/15/2010 at 3:33am - love - by Romantic (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

#7353412
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28912) - you deserved it (5789)

On 01/15/2010 at 3:02am - love - by Rin (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

#7353049
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28161) - you deserved it (3254)

On 01/15/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Goobie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22553) - you deserved it (7995)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

#7351107
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27095) - you deserved it (5284)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:07am - love - by hesaidwhat - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

#7351038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23366) - you deserved it (8721)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by RyanSmithN (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

#7344260
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6888) - you deserved it (29311)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by nude (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

#7343318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8943) - you deserved it (32347)

On 01/14/2010 at 7:01pm - misc - by Lackadaisical (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25768) - you deserved it (3594)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30545) - you deserved it (5321)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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