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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

#169913
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143512) - you deserved it (9815)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

#169067
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42617) - you deserved it (5840)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:14am - kids - by Aliya (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55318) - you deserved it (215853)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

#168522
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47999) - you deserved it (3385)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Elis (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71073) - you deserved it (10854)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

#168458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47105) - you deserved it (5833)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Sdutent (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

#167901
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24063) - you deserved it (75040)

On 03/01/2009 at 1:58am - intimacy - by fmlisthebomb (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14626) - you deserved it (98275)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

#163929
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55112) - you deserved it (2175)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:50pm - work - by Grrrrr (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

#163784
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41496) - you deserved it (20333)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AppState (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

#163689
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (278301) - you deserved it (22665)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126502) - you deserved it (3736)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

#161990
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49484) - you deserved it (15776)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)



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