FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

by liz / 10/03/2010 at 12:00am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

by hunnybaby0319 / 10/02/2010 at 6:07pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

by seriously / 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

by harvdog / 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

by lmaoLOSER / 10/02/2010 at 7:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

by notsoonenufdeparted / 10/02/2010 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 12:28am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she is still in love with the guy she cheated on me with. She admitted that she would be willing to do anything with him if he wanted to. And, "He's a better kisser too." FML

by laterchoice / 10/02/2010 at 12:22am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I went to sit on the ground next to my crush at our college's free concert. Just as I took the final step toward him, somone ran into me causing me to trip and kick him in the crotch. He had to go to the emergency room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Geek