FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

by krt / 10/03/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

by baconman86 / 10/03/2010 at 6:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 2:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

by Kasnt / 10/03/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

by andrea99 / 10/03/2010 at 5:35am / United States / Animals

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 1:08am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

by liz / 10/03/2010 at 12:00am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

by hunnybaby0319 / 10/02/2010 at 6:07pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

by seriously / 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

by harvdog / 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love