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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

#5498731
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38208) - you deserved it (3076)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

#5498467
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26087) - you deserved it (9620)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by PigPen (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49277) - you deserved it (3828)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

#5492768
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34018) - you deserved it (2774)

On 09/26/2009 at 8:40pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

#5489244
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32340) - you deserved it (7229)

On 09/26/2009 at 5:23pm - work - by bzygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

#5488289
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33518) - you deserved it (7175)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

#5486035
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45347) - you deserved it (4947)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

#5485912
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (3226)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by bachelor (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

#5484515
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34162) - you deserved it (7926)

On 09/26/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Amberizzle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

#5482829
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35177) - you deserved it (2798)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by NoSleep (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32681) - you deserved it (2864)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7065) - you deserved it (56418)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

#5480161
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (5589)

On 09/26/2009 at 3:01am - work - by zawbentley - United States (Rhode Island)



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