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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

#11151626
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11103) - you deserved it (60561)

On 06/12/2010 at 6:13pm - health - by bobby - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

#11131141
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32508) - you deserved it (13063)

On 06/11/2010 at 7:00pm - misc - by justgreatgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

#11123342
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36720) - you deserved it (3975)

On 06/11/2010 at 10:33am - health - by MegahnDN - United States

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

#11111501
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50131) - you deserved it (3704)

On 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by dominator152 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

#11105800
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49052) - you deserved it (4374)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:59pm - misc - by Collin - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

#11105211
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15467) - you deserved it (48358)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

#11088527
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10550) - you deserved it (44085)

On 06/09/2010 at 8:46pm - misc - by Caitlin - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

#11076892
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39909) - you deserved it (23157)

On 06/09/2010 at 9:05am - intimacy - by DFR (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

#11071289
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10514) - you deserved it (61962)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

#11070143
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51300) - you deserved it (6767)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by dancerr2210 - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

#11063786
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25825) - you deserved it (5701)

On 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by CircleBruise (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

#11056176
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41489) - you deserved it (7258)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:07pm - kids - by sarahfromthesouth - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML



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