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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

#4582506
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14331) - you deserved it (38138)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:00pm - misc - by Ricky (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

#4580514
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58543) - you deserved it (7148)

On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

#4577302
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13542) - you deserved it (57363)

On 08/16/2009 at 5:05pm - kids - by Overflow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69301) - you deserved it (10365)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

#4574757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12075) - you deserved it (50213)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

#4572721
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56878) - you deserved it (9867)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

#4572543
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52835) - you deserved it (7877)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML

#4571897
102 comments

Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML

#4570949
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37028) - you deserved it (9190)

On 08/16/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by annabellebyebye (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

#4570526
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42446) - you deserved it (4589)

On 08/16/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by 27musiclover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

#4570471
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45199) - you deserved it (7418)

On 08/16/2009 at 10:32am - intimacy - by juliaspaperbags (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59459) - you deserved it (4427)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

#4566458
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49004) - you deserved it (8658)

On 08/16/2009 at 3:05am - health - by irony (woman) - United States (California)



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