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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

#7203534
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (6590)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by SlappyMcGee (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

#7201019
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6016) - you deserved it (41624)

On 01/07/2010 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

#7199308
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (9501)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23630) - you deserved it (3215)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24730) - you deserved it (4299)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

#7198357
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39769) - you deserved it (2527)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Sanchez (man) - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (26913)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24429) - you deserved it (3901)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

#7193872
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37480) - you deserved it (2547)

On 01/07/2010 at 2:13am - misc - by nothotforteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

#7192878
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9890) - you deserved it (15450)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:03am - intimacy - by a.baybay (woman) - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

#7191706
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28550) - you deserved it (5407)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:01am - love - by DeadBroke (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65661) - you deserved it (3317)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

#7188892
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6897) - you deserved it (26506)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:58pm - misc - by mindlost (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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