FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

by huwauw / 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 7:36am / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

by anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

by anime_love / 09/17/2010 at 12:43am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

by ccblock / 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

by Laura / 09/16/2010 at 8:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

by locker / 09/16/2010 at 4:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

by hmb / 09/16/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

by whatabitch / 09/16/2010 at 12:23pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

by bonesniffer / 09/16/2010 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy