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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8972) - you deserved it (44074)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML

#6883873
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30870) - you deserved it (11878)

On 12/22/2009 at 1:05pm - work - by ohshat (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

#6883824
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24896) - you deserved it (5393)

On 12/22/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

#6881233
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9469) - you deserved it (32856)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by todayJman03 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

#6880463
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25914) - you deserved it (4282)

On 12/22/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

#6879441
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26424) - you deserved it (10304)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:57am - love - by Dumped (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

#6878679
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36450) - you deserved it (2882)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by sadcinderella (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

#6877661
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2789)

On 12/22/2009 at 12:57am - love - by CRWMEN (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

#6877419
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23915) - you deserved it (2171)

On 12/22/2009 at 12:45am - work - by TheJuggla17 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

#6874607
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (3106)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm - intimacy - by Secretisout (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML

#6873751
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39684) - you deserved it (3552)

On 12/21/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by chao (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

#6872316
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (3040)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML

#6867947
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you deserved it (2785)

On 12/21/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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