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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18400) - you deserved it (5110)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped... right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

#7225324
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19031) - you deserved it (5721)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:04pm - misc - by dancer4life (woman) - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

#7224292
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (5272)

On 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm - misc - by crappy_day (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

#7222174
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (4022)

On 01/08/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by farmvillefail (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

#7222160
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (2319)

On 01/08/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

#7218409
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (5157)

On 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm - love - by brokenrelicslost (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27161) - you deserved it (34670)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

#7216883
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32851) - you deserved it (2411)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by mcpeepants (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

#7215986
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31643) - you deserved it (3998)

On 01/08/2010 at 11:35am - work - by WesJaz (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

#7215962
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32956) - you deserved it (4178)

On 01/08/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

#7213754
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9695) - you deserved it (47420)

On 01/08/2010 at 6:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

#7210467
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8576) - you deserved it (27227)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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