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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

#4433335
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13430) - you deserved it (44113)

On 08/10/2009 at 6:48pm - health - by psychedout (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

#4431065
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56148) - you deserved it (3572)

On 08/10/2009 at 4:47pm - love - by theboy6494 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

#4429167
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40720) - you deserved it (12416)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by kmf - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

#4429159
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80739) - you deserved it (4115)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8857) - you deserved it (67582)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

#4426507
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63024) - you deserved it (8334)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out I need serious surgery on my right knee to remove a tumor growing underneath it. I will not be able to walk for 3 weeks, and the doctor told me to take off for 5 months from work just for full recovery. My father's response, "You'll do anything not to work." FML

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

#4425556
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12101) - you deserved it (50412)

On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my friend how I liked this girl but was too scared to ask her out. He told me "Why? The worst she's going to do is say no." Building confidence I approached her and asked her on a date. Then she replied "Get away douchebag!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

#4423387
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55806) - you deserved it (4457)

On 08/10/2009 at 5:20am - love - by Rejected (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75247) - you deserved it (6520)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14765) - you deserved it (51993)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

#4418486
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62152) - you deserved it (2817)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:41am - health - by Very_Bad_Luck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10085) - you deserved it (44813)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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