Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62944) - you deserved it (16300)
On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)
Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33735) - you deserved it (9799)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by tracelee - United States (California)
Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44762) - you deserved it (2598)
On 03/03/2009 at 3:26am - work - by nicooolea (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22330) - you deserved it (110290)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37451) - you deserved it (4387)
On 03/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by lucy (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39506) - you deserved it (4145)
On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29849) - you deserved it (25720)
On 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm - love - by badtrip (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37061) - you deserved it (5679)
On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65669) - you deserved it (2732)
On 03/02/2009 at 8:57pm - money - by Vahootie (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45642) - you deserved it (1653)
On 03/02/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by lexibabe (woman) - United States
Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10748) - you deserved it (80700)
On 03/02/2009 at 7:11pm - money - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41453) - you deserved it (11390)
On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31150) - you deserved it (7310)
On 03/02/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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