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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

#7256679
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45616) - you deserved it (3223)

On 01/10/2010 at 11:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

#7256153
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12354) - you deserved it (55333)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:37am - health - by badsister (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

#7255903
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6738) - you deserved it (35843)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:11am - misc - by ishouldntdrink (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I confessed my love to a guy I've been flirting with for months. He then decided to reject me through a poem on Facebook for all of our friends to read. FML

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

#7253458
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7356) - you deserved it (26864)

On 01/10/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by regrub (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

#7252509
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9841) - you deserved it (25382)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:59am - misc - by crappygirlfriend (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

#7251449
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31472) - you deserved it (1916)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:01am - misc - by zenithbelana (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

#7249954
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30439) - you deserved it (2882)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:55am - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

#7249496
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9886) - you deserved it (28895)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:35am - health - by bummed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

#7247927
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28798) - you deserved it (2774)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm - misc - by 1thapp3ns (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

#7244801
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6347) - you deserved it (29025)

On 01/09/2010 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

#7239167
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (6887)

On 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (2988)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)



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