FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

by Mal / 10/29/2010 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply: "I gotta work that day." FML

by Kristinmarsh08 / 10/29/2010 at 8:02am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

by ohmylordy / 10/29/2010 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

by yeaokay / 10/29/2010 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

by Taylor parsons / 10/29/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

by nonexistant / 10/29/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

by mommysgirlapparently / 10/28/2010 at 11:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

by kaz89 / 10/28/2010 at 10:19am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

by scratchpost / 10/28/2010 at 8:07am / United States (Georgia) / Animals