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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

#7563904
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31028) - you deserved it (4391)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

#7563782
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17092) - you deserved it (4241)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Krissy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12685) - you deserved it (22552)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

#7560718
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25981) - you deserved it (6844)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:33am - love - by Phoenix0614 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

#7560337
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5307) - you deserved it (32295)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:19am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16829) - you deserved it (42026)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

#7552135
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54221) - you deserved it (2140)

On 01/24/2010 at 8:02pm - love - by weddingbells (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

#7550424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33699) - you deserved it (4144)

On 01/24/2010 at 6:58pm - kids - by owned (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

#7548356
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32498) - you deserved it (8725)

On 01/24/2010 at 5:24pm - misc - by Blah (man) - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

#7545764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33474) - you deserved it (5014)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

#7545695
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32459) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

#7544756
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34593) - you deserved it (7276)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:30pm - misc - by kaytiebobaytie (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

#7544484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33346) - you deserved it (4281)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm - health - by LadyLump (woman) - United States (California)



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