FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

by non believer / 09/23/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

by giantsfan2010 / 09/23/2010 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

by joshualover / 09/22/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

by artmfanforever / 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

by anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

by waterlogged / 09/22/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Transportation

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 9:31pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

by Laura / 09/21/2010 at 8:31pm / United States / Kids

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

by tracie / 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

by forgotten / 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health