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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

#6493322
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34078) - you deserved it (9748)

On 11/28/2009 at 11:17am - love - by moon_paw (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

#6493156
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27637) - you deserved it (9314)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

#6493003
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5958) - you deserved it (49988)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by MegGRRRz (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

#6490055
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (9216)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33166) - you deserved it (15574)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24684) - you deserved it (8834)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

#6488326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21264) - you deserved it (5986)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26801) - you deserved it (3585)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

#6487113
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (2276)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

#6484371
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29747) - you deserved it (1963)

On 11/27/2009 at 8:48pm - animals - by bill - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

#6482336
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32309) - you deserved it (9500)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21489) - you deserved it (3201)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

#6480893
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56643) - you deserved it (2849)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm - love - by Nobody (man) - United States (Illinois)



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