FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

by niiiiiiiiiikki / 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

by Lily / 01/08/2011 at 11:01am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my husband of 19 years took our children out for dinner, told them he's gay, then sent them home to tell me for him. FML

by trifioso / 01/08/2011 at 8:56am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm getting over strep throat. The antibiotics they gave me make me have diarrhea unless I eat yogurt in between each pill. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't lactose-intolerant. Yogurt gives me really bad gas. So I have to choose between painful gas or diarrhea. FML

by anon7113 / 01/08/2011 at 5:16am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

by ciotter / 01/08/2011 at 3:57am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 3:38am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

by Username / 01/08/2011 at 2:01am / United States / Geek

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

by Some Girl / 01/08/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

by poop / 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

by walnutbladder / 01/07/2011 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Health