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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

#5660811
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you deserved it (2866)

On 10/05/2009 at 11:45am - kids - by musicalkitcat (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

#5658731
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40450) - you deserved it (1931)

On 10/05/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by corfan01 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

#5657528
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33471) - you deserved it (3130)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:38am - money - by poorcar (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

#5656241
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37162) - you deserved it (3329)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by Bento (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12399) - you deserved it (36051)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

#5653425
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (13313)

On 10/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by Anstice (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML

#5652102
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29079) - you deserved it (5711)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:19pm - animals - by FellingShitty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

#5651689
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10348) - you deserved it (30164)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:01pm - love - by danskinnow (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

#5645796
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37499) - you deserved it (3345)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by walker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

#5644801
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33365) - you deserved it (12743)

On 10/04/2009 at 4:31pm - misc - by neverStopLaughin - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

#5640699
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36859) - you deserved it (3644)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by KmartFart - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

#5640097
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45271) - you deserved it (8536)

On 10/04/2009 at 11:41am - health - by ew (woman) - United States (New York)



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