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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

#7600805
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30133) - you deserved it (3444)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Candace - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

#7600232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22639) - you deserved it (3491)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:14pm - health - by poops - United States

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asks me out. I say "sure" sarcastically. She then calls my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

#7598388
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12437) - you deserved it (36589)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:12pm - love - by Aaron (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

#7594942
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (2105)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by newniece (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

#7591747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36193) - you deserved it (2168)

On 01/26/2010 at 4:25pm - misc - by computergeek (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

#7589933
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13282) - you deserved it (27534)

On 01/26/2010 at 2:03pm - misc - by optimist - United States (California)

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside. Because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

#7589766
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25538) - you deserved it (1940)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:44pm - work - by dripdripdrop (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

#7588256
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12401) - you deserved it (26280)

On 01/26/2010 at 11:13am - work - by Kylie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

#7587300
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5848) - you deserved it (51810)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:39am - misc - by Fonz (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

#7584651
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53534) - you deserved it (2754)

On 01/26/2010 at 2:35am - love - by Junior (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

#7583250
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39862) - you deserved it (12561)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:05am - love - by Eagle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

#7582501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26465) - you deserved it (3692)

On 01/26/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

#7576181
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7978) - you deserved it (27851)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:41pm - misc - by EggyBum (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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