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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

#5201884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41951) - you deserved it (3513)

On 09/12/2009 at 3:39am - love - by ksgirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

#5201463
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41130) - you deserved it (2346)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

#5201164
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (2650)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:32am - work - by badjob - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#5198874
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39841) - you deserved it (4780)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

#5194159
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36631) - you deserved it (3018)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by sucksforme (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

#5193582
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48198) - you deserved it (4517)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by Thistle (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

#5192617
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37463) - you deserved it (1955)

On 09/11/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37619) - you deserved it (2423)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (6417)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

#5189788
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40473) - you deserved it (6634)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

#5189179
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29824) - you deserved it (18062)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51505) - you deserved it (3099)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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