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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

#7309178
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (5104)

On 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by pass_the_tp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

#7306926
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41652) - you deserved it (2225)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

#7306098
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26951) - you deserved it (2620)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Narehs (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

#7305863
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14241) - you deserved it (20998)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:55pm - misc - by meee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

#7304615
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14315) - you deserved it (45434)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by BetterThanFake (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

#7304423
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34939) - you deserved it (3009)

On 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by notasgood (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

#7302143
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25336) - you deserved it (5638)

On 01/12/2010 at 4:51pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

#7301581
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6019) - you deserved it (39512)

On 01/12/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by Busted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

#7299222
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29135) - you deserved it (2086)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

#7296803
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19971) - you deserved it (2996)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Upbrakie - United States

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11137) - you deserved it (38350)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

#7295020
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8989) - you deserved it (20593)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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