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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girlho was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of mah neck an so I went to the mirror an checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12693) - you deserved it (34336)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ad a toot pulled. An our or so later, I removed te gauze from my mout, because I tougt te bleeding ad stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see tat I ad drooled blood all over te keyboard, an didn't know because my mout was numb. FML

#6392030
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12007) - you deserved it (29173)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:21pm - health - by MrZach (man) - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minute of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

#6391764
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24334) - you deserved it (13939)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:02pm - animals - by eyesightfail (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my grlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expred, so she threw out the box. FML

#6391175
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31370) - you deserved it (25182)

On 11/21/2009 at 4:44pm - love - by frootloops (man) - United States (New York)

2day I submitted an entry 4 a logo design contest 4 my employer. Apparently, it is possible to lose a contest even when u had the only entry. FML

#6390858
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (3676)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today... a friand convincad ma that looool I should throw a big party and invita avaryona to coma. Aftar fixing a ton of party food... I sat around and waitad fir my guasts to arriva. No ona did. FML

#6390668
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33002) - you deserved it (3221)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by tealsoda (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told ma boyfriend of nine mont tat depression runs in ma family an I tink te reason I've been looool flipping sit so muc lately may be tat I am depressed. Not five minute later e decided a break would be ( te best ting 4 us rigt now. ) FML

#6390446
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26373) - you deserved it (8364)

On 11/21/2009 at 2:10pm - love - by Guess (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to a rock concert an met this amazing girl!! We started talking an then swapped cell numbers!! Five minute later, she asks to see mah cellphone, so I gave it to her!! Once I got home I went to text her an saw that she deleted her number!! FML

#6388280
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30428) - you deserved it (5007)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:28am - love - by SeeBrendenBurn (man) - United States (California)

Today... I Was Sitting With A Friendho Movd Back Into Town... An He Told Me About How He Hookd Up With A Girl At A Bar Last Night. I Askd Him If She Was Hot... He Respondd "Yeah... I Have A Picture Of Her On Mah Phone." It Was A Picture Of Mah Girlfriend. FML

#6388093
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40013) - you deserved it (2407)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I Tougt I'd Surprise My Girlfriend Wit A Bear Ug. I Found Er In Te All Wit Er Back To Me Talking To Friends. As I Walked Up Beind Er And Was About To Wrap My Arms Around Er, Se Said, "so Does Anyone Ave Any Ideas About Ow I Sould Break It Off Wit My Boyfriend?" FML

#6387420
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40644) - you deserved it (2607)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:59am - love - by Fail (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting there bagged grocerie in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

#6386957
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28565) - you deserved it (2308)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:03am - work - by beckbm23 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was supposd to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, fir two weeks, I have been volunteering fir Habitat fir Humanity, and am not actually employd by a construction company. FML

#6386124
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9872) - you deserved it (37968)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:59pm - work - by Masonlee89 (man) - United States (California)

Taday ma jeep looool wouldn't start so I opend te ood. I slammd ma fingers in ma jeep's ood. It latcd sut. My ood release was inside te cab, an te jeep was in neutral an on an incline. It startd to roll... wit a ditc about 5 yards away. I ad to skin ma own fingers to get tem out. FML

#6383914
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42160) - you deserved it (7626)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:28pm - misc - by FoundMyLighter (man) - United States (Alaska)



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