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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

#5283267
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28489) - you deserved it (5993)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

#5280220
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (2098)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:24pm - kids - by Kellye (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

#5279131
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42384) - you deserved it (1974)

On 09/15/2009 at 7:39pm - work - by bonedregardless (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

#5276635
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48984) - you deserved it (4120)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:44pm - love - by Soontobeex (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61687) - you deserved it (3542)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

#5274396
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33680) - you deserved it (2792)

On 09/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by notcool - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

#5274091
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46454) - you deserved it (2168)

On 09/15/2009 at 3:24pm - money - by Lost (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

#5273221
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53100) - you deserved it (3416)

On 09/15/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

#5270007
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11219) - you deserved it (48619)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by publicenemy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

#5269441
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49777) - you deserved it (7906)

On 09/15/2009 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

#5269126
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36122) - you deserved it (1940)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Confused (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

#5266141
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (7031)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

#5265552
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29911) - you deserved it (4338)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:17am - work - by conley19 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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