FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

by blueberry_hill / 12/11/2010 at 11:16am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

by Marlon / 12/11/2010 at 3:18am / United States / Love

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

by RingRing / 12/11/2010 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

by unwed / 12/11/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

by ShaunBomb / 12/11/2010 at 1:11am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

by caligirl921 / 12/11/2010 at 1:00am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

by itsover / 12/11/2010 at 12:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

by pukathlon / 12/10/2010 at 12:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

by RevolutionLove / 12/10/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy