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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

#4533889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46774) - you deserved it (4945)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by waitthatsnotme (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

#4533518
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38419) - you deserved it (7553)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by ParkingGuy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

#4531515
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (14244)

On 08/14/2009 at 6:28pm - money - by scfead (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

#4530948
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45635) - you deserved it (3650)

On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

#4529563
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46007) - you deserved it (4919)

On 08/14/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by loverpants (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

#4525349
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37794) - you deserved it (5771)

On 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm - work - by dumblond (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

#4525246
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59596) - you deserved it (7138)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

#4525177
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41408) - you deserved it (7418)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by ragsy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

#4524259
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47347) - you deserved it (7170)

On 08/14/2009 at 11:53am - intimacy - by seeminglyunsexy (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57123) - you deserved it (4739)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51718) - you deserved it (3430)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

#4520748
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14362) - you deserved it (35032)

On 08/14/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by whoneedsdumbcars (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

#4520071
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45753) - you deserved it (4766)

On 08/14/2009 at 3:34am - kids - by thebabysitter (man) - United States (Indiana)



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