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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

#5679558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40709) - you deserved it (3907)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:08am - kids - by laurwitharawr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

#5678496
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35491) - you deserved it (8849)

On 10/06/2009 at 4:28am - misc - by coolchicka05 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

#5677989
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9563) - you deserved it (32331)

On 10/06/2009 at 3:12am - misc - by limecat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of mail. We were very excited because our mailbox wasn't empty anymore. She got a package of home baked cookies in the mail from her family. I got a letter from a stranger in prison. FML

#5675948
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35709) - you deserved it (3236)

On 10/06/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by mahlee (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

#5675714
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32214) - you deserved it (7272)

On 10/06/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by meesh22 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

#5672838
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36525) - you deserved it (9382)

On 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Sneezy123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

#5669917
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41105) - you deserved it (2843)

On 10/05/2009 at 8:41pm - work - by Eimii (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

#5669435
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you deserved it (4663)

On 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

#5664241
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37452) - you deserved it (5675)

On 10/05/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48516) - you deserved it (3930)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

#5662905
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7641) - you deserved it (40261)

On 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by backwardsinlife - United States (Georgia)

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

#5661916
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9919) - you deserved it (39500)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

#5661357
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10866) - you deserved it (28949)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:36pm - work - by sleepytime (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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